Sam quickly goes to the farthest corner of the parking lot-to 'visitor's parking'-and quickly exits(what he now calls)the sharpest vehicle in the world.Of course,he wanders towards where the truck trailers and tents are set up.


There is a general hustle and bustle near this area.An outdoor breakfast buffet,crews assembling,etc.He steps behind a man carrying a clipboard,wearing a 'Moderately confused' ball cap."What's up?"The man turns,"Sam!Sam!it's about time you showed up."


"Wearing the pants already,I see,"the man says looking at Sam's stained drawers,"But really,"the man continues,taking off Sam's expensive watch,"If you'd let wardrobe do their job we wouldn't have a faux pas like this."The man has a microphone on his shoulder like policemen wear.He reaches up to it,"Gladys,he's here,bring the Timex Expedition,will ya?"


"Not again,"comes the reply.


"Look,Sam,I know you're on your way to Oprah.These are just 'dubbed'shots.No dialogue.We'll go inside with Zooey,get the spot welding shots,and then the repelling off the roof.No more then an hour.O-K,maybe two.Tops."


Sam is ushered into Effenpea.Once inside he meets with talented and beautiful Zooey Dechanel,"Hi Sam",she says.Zooey is wearing an Effenpea uniform,unlike Sam who is wearing a parts auditor shirt(the same one he had on this morning)and Levi 505 jeans."Here,"she says handing him a small object,"How do you like my new I-Phone III.Look,it gets Google Express.Wait-'Google me at Effenpea,please."



The phone comes to life,and on the screen projects...probably from a nearby security camera,a fuzzy black and white live picture of the two of them,"Wave,"Zooey says smiling and waving.

Zooey reaches in under her workshirt and pulls out a red model just like her silver one,"As promised,here's one for you.They're calling them-unofficially- the,'I-3CPO'.Aren't they cool?Voice command your car."

"It's not a car.It's a Cadillac CTS."

"Just voice command it."

"Umm,O-K.Google me my car,Please."the screen shows six different 'now' images of the CTS.All but one from surveillance cameras.One,possibly a satellite.

"No,silly,"Zooey says,pushing I-3CPO buttons,"COMMAND' your car!Don't Google it.'COMMAND' it."

"CTS,start your engine."Immediately,there comes a reply out of the phone,sounding just like Zooey(Sam glances and smiles at her),"Command code voice recognition accepted,"Sam hears the vehicle's varoom,"Engine started."

"You can not believe the amount of money I'm getting for letting my voice be used just as an option."

Zooey smiles broadly,"Cool,huh?"

Sam is smiling into his new I-Phone.He can hear the CTS's engine purring.Half the screen is giving the car's stats.The bottom is showing the car from a half dozen different angles.On a hunch,Sam goes,"CTS off,Please."


"Zooey's voice says,"CTS ignition off."

As Tight As Scrooge McDuck



Sam pulls the CTS onto Experiment Farm Road #3.Down the way he see Effenpea.

As if his life wasn't going downhill fast enough,stealing this car has made it all bad.McDonald's and the car.

The power and comfort of the Cadillac exuberates him.Sam feels like he is losing it.Sam feels like he has never been so in tune in all of his life.Sam feels both,and neither.He can't decide.

"They are my car keys!This is my car!"It is crazy,but he figures no other way around it."Well,someone could have put them into his pocket.Yeah,during the craziness at McDonald's.It is possible.

"Crap.

"Crap.Crap.Crap.Crap.Crap." Still,Sam drives forward.What else can he do?He starts thinking of jail.Sam starts thinking how he loves the cherry red Cadillac CTS.He zooms it towards the gate.Yes,he is crazy,but how he loves this CTS.

Sam hardly feels the push of the CTS' 304 horses as he races down to Effanpea.60mph!Geez!It feels like 30.He eases up just as he pulls up to the guard gate.

A elderly man with a full head of combed back silver hair greets him from the shack's window.He is holding a clipboard in his hand."Mornin',"the man says,"Wow,nice car.Hey!You're Sam Everly.I never laughed so hard as when you were hanging on from under the bridge in McEverafter III'.Can I have your autograph?"He hands Sam the clipboard,"Write,'To Russia,with Love."

This clinches it.Sam is certified insane,"I'm not James Bond,Sir."

"That's my name-Russia.Russia Albean.You know,I must have entered my name in the 'Be A Character' contest 'thousand times.I get a large coffee every mornin'.I knew I didn't have a chance.But it sure would have been fun being in one o' your 'Mc Happy' movies."

Sam signs the clipboard and smiles a legitimate happy grin,"You know,Russia,You have made my day.Thank you."

'No problem,Mr.Everly.Thanks,"Russia states shaking the clipboard in recognition,"My wife told me you'd be cool.You turn right right here and just follow the arrows.You'll see them at the end.Have a very nice day."

"Thanks,"Sam smiles as he accelerates the CTS away.How easily he feels normal again.How easily he decides to just accept and go with it.

Sam follows the arrows.Far on the otherside,close to the warehouse building he sees trucks and vans and tents set up.Must be the place.

Happy 18th,Guys

Yesterday,Monday,December 17th,2007,our guys,Tyler,Adam and Nikolas turned 18 years old.Congratulations,men.You are now old enough to vote(do),register for the draft(if you have to you have to),smoke(don't),get your own bank accounts(please do),and to be tried as an adult in a court of law(stay away from that).

You three have been the biggest blessings of your mother and my lives.We love you.Keep up the good work & God be with you,love,Dad.

Normally Sam would not think about getting into someone else's vehicle.Heck,he wouldn't even think about touching a car as nice as this CTS.But normally had disappeared with the watch.

Somehow,his brain could construe that it was possible for him be mistaken for some Tv or movie star.Even one from a Tv show or movie that he has never even heard of[Yet,when he later comes thinks of it...how strange..."I get 'Entertainment Weekly'!How could I NOT have heard of 'McHappily Everafter III'?"].But it is this Xero wristwatch that has snapped his brain into panic.A Timex Expedition with Indiglo does not just magically happen to be replaced by another more expensive timepiece.Let alone a very nice one by a brandname he has never heard of before.

The CTS is opulent.If it wasn't for the key Sam wouldn't even know where to start.Buttons and whistles,a giant moon roof.The interior is completely clean except for a I-Pod setting in the middle and a manila folder with a post tab stuck on front lying on the front passenger seat.The tab has Effenpea's address and vague directions scribbled on it."Well,I already know the way,"Sam presumes.

Sam finds reverse and backs the elegant sexy red Cadillac CTS out of the parking space.He finds that he has given the car slightly too much gas.It scoots backwards quicker and with more control then he anticipates.This only adds to Sam's sense of panic.He shoves the CTS into drive-again giving it too much gas,and whips through the parking lot.

Finally,he squeals left out of the McDonald's parking lot and starts up on Rt.41 over I-75 towards what he hopes is Effenpea.

The Comics

This 'Tank McNamara' from Thursday,Dec,13th ran a very close second.I laughed out loud at this.





This '9 To 5',by Harley Schwadron,from yesterday,Saturday,the 15th,made me laugh so hard that I had to make it the comic of the week.

Ponderings Of a Unbalanced Mind

The big blow is coming.Right now,outside,is very nice and calm.No wind.No precipation.Nadda.We are supposed to get freezing rain,sleet,snow,snow and more snow.Maybe some more rain freezing rain,back to snow then finally very cold high winds.It is humbling to watch this on 'Weather Bug's radar.I see this monster inching closer and closer and there is nothing I can do to stop it from approaching.Nothing.

We may lose power.Places could close.And there is nothing I can do about it.Nothing.

Of course,there is nothing I can do about a sunny summer day,either.

But,when you see a storm coming,even if you can't stop it,you can prepare for it to lessen it's effects.Batter the hatches,shimmer me timbers,the Father,the Son and The Holy Ghost.

And that my beloved reader,has got me thinking about the political storm that is already brewing and kicking our collective asses.

How is it that so many politicians are running on The Lord{We must have God/religious faith in our politics,etc},but are unwilling to answer a single simple religious question{I am running as a politician,how dare you ask me a question pertaining to my faith?}?

How is it now that my beloved American flag now stands for red neck ignorant my country right or wrong,screw them foreigners,Saddam Hussein blew up the Twin Towers,no gay,no abortions,no birth control,no latte drinking anti-Christian,bleeding heart liberals,if you aren't like me you can go to hell-ism?


How is it that this spewing of blind bigotry is spilling out into the streets while blatant unchecked capitalism runs a muck?No bid contracts;unscrupulous mortgage lenders{playing on lenders faith in a just fair system where lenders are supposed to be looking out for their best interests}whom are tricking desperate people into signing loans with sky rocketing high adjustable rates?How is,then,that this administration,announces legislation that helps these mortgage companies because they claim the borrowers were foolish for signing stuff without reading it first?

Why does bush hate the middle and lower classes?Clearly they are a vast majority of Americans.Why does Bush always vote in favor of the super rich?Vetoing health care because it might help all that are in need.He says it is because it might help adults who could get it from other places-of course,implying people will rip off the system.

This quick bate and switch is nothing more then a shell game.Pretend that you are against stealing,but really meaning,'Hey only big rich internationally based(ie like Hallaburton based outside the U.S.A.) corporations can blindly-unchecked-steal American tax payers monies'.

In my opinion,with just a fraction of what we are paying these overcharging buffoons,we could wipe out hunger,unemployment,and give everyone good health care in America.

Why are these buffoons against universal health care anyway?Ever hear of Medicare?Don't companies make a killing charging Medicare.Imagine the $$$ that could be skimmed off the top!

Why?I'll tell you why.Because the rich are out to stamp out the middle class.It is absolute power at it's very worse.This is what we get from Reagan's fox in charge of the hen house anti-big government rhetoric.

Do away with government laws protecting the American people and then through this same,nay,even bigger,more corupt big government,give all the $$$ to unneedy big businesses.CORPERATE WELFARE.

And these big businesses don't even care about America.Outsourcing to anywhere else-even-especially-communist counties.Countries with little or no civil rights.Hell,these companies couldn't care less about America or Americans.

Yet,the dopey conservatives will vote for these idiots because they claim to have Christian values.Values they are unwilling to defend or explain.

Yep,I see the big blow coming.And a hard rain is gonna fall.

"Oh,we loved you in 'McEverafter III' when you were hanging from the bridge."

"When you gave the thumbs up in 'One'- that is still funny."

"Can you sign that,'To Mary'?"

Sam is having a fun,but busy time.He doesn't understand any of it,but he is playing along.He looks at his watch....

.....

.....it is not his Timex Indigo.It is a somewhat fancier watch.SOMEWHAT!?!It has jewels,it says 'Xero'on it.It looks like it costs a million bucks.WHAT IS HAPPENING!?!

And worst,it says,7:25.Sam is going to be late for work.

Sam is visibly shaken,if only for a second.He signs a last little girl's 'Princess Barbie' school notebook,then stands up and starts to leave.

Pushing his way through the thinning crowd,Sam hurries out the door.He can't see his Focus.In a ever increasing panic,Sam turns back to see if he has somehow come out the wrong door.No.Sam is sure he parked on this side.

Sam feels for his keys.Aah,just press the horn button.Whoop.Whoop.Whoop.The lights to a red,shiny new Cadillac CTS flash on and off.Sam looks left.Sam looks right.In a full fledged panic,Sam gets to the CTS-stops to admire it-then pulls the door to get in.

My Cleveland Browns Prediction

The thing that you have to keep in mind is this Biblical story.Just stay with me,O-K?

Amaziah slew ten thousand Edomites in the Salt Valley, and took Sela in battle. He renamed it Joktheel, the name it has to this day.
8
Then Amaziah sent messengers to Jehoash, son of Jehoahaz, son of Jehu, king of Israel, with this challenge, "Come, let us meet face to face."
9
King Jehoash of Israel sent this reply to the king of Judah: "The thistle of Lebanon sent word to the cedar of Lebanon, 'Give your daughter to my son in marriage,' but an animal of Lebanon passed by and trampled the thistle underfoot.
10
You have indeed conquered Edom, and you have become ambitious. Enjoy your glory, but stay at home! Why involve yourself and Judah with you in misfortune and failure?"
11
But Amaziah would not listen. King Jehoash of Israel then advanced, and he and King Amaziah of Judah met in battle at Beth-shemesh of Judah.
12
Judah was defeated by Israel, and all the Judean soldiery fled homeward.
13
King Jehoash of Israel captured Amaziah, son of Jehoash, son of Ahaziah, king of Judah, at Beth-shemesh. He went on to Jerusalem where he tore down four hundred cubits of the city wall, from the Gate of Ephraim to the Corner Gate.
14
He took all the gold and silver and all the utensils there were in the temple of the LORD and the treasuries of the palace, and hostages as well. Then he returned to Samaria.

O-K,even with this story firmly in hand,I,The 'Great Andrew' predict that the Patriots undefeated season will come to a quick end when The Browns beat them in the playoffs!

Remember,you heard it here first!

What A Marvelous Night For A Moon Dance

You have to read this marvelous story about a couple that have captured and focused the Moon's rays.Absolutely cool.

Try listening to Michael Buble's version of 'Moon Dance' while you look at the photo.I find it very relaxing. Or better yet,jam to some 'Maggot Brain'

Can I Have That Supersized?

"Can you 'put' in three creams,please."

There is a bright flickering of light.

The girl says,"We've been having problems with that bulb all morning,"she gives Sam the biggest,brightest smile that he has seen in quite some time."

No wonder,"Sam thinks,"People love McDonald's.Their employees smile so much."

With the same grin,if not even wider and giddier,the girl says,"That will be $3.69 Mr.Everly."Sam pays her with a five,and she gives him back his change.Quickly,almost too quickly(before he can even finish putting the dollar bill back into his wallet),she is happily holding up the tray with his Breakfast Mac meal.Raising to her tippy toes,smiling ear to ear,she bursts out ,"Have a great day."

"Thank you,"Sam replies with his own generous smile,"You too."Sam turns away,then stops.He thinks to himself,"How did she know I was Mr.Everly?".He turns to look at her.Startled,as if she is surprised to find that he has turned back to look at her,she freezes.She smiles,rolls her fingers in an embarrassed wave,then shrieks her shoulders,and grasps her hands together.All while still smiling.

Sam's eyes flick left,his eyebrow arches right.He hunches his own shoulders,as if dismissing the whole idea;then finds a place to sit down.He pops the lid off of his coffee,unboxes his sandwich,and with his elbows firmly set on the table,Sam takes a manly size bite.Hmmmmm...heaven.

Chopping away mindlessly,still holding his sandwich up with his resting elbows,Sam suddenly feels as if someone is watching him.

And everyone is.Quite contently.Leaning forward off their seats contently.Sam takes a chew.Stops.Looks around at everyone looking around 'at' him.Takes a couple more chews.Watches.Swallows.

The pressure of their combined stares is unnerving.Still chewing,Sam gives a nervous grin and a thumbs up.

Thunderous applause.People start walking towards him.A little girl says to her someone,"I knew he'd do it."

"Hello,Mr Everly.My name is George Campbell,"says an elderly gentleman wearing a new John Deere Hat,and offering Sam his weathered old hand,"This is my wife,Tillie.We think you are so funny."

"I'm Hillary,this is my daughter,Amy."

"Hey,what's up dog?No,don't get up."

"Blah,Ba baa Blah Blah blah,"The rush is frightening to Sam.Even the girl behind the counter is coming over:complete with paper and pen in hand.This is too much.He goes to stand and bumps the table.His coffee goes over and the hot fluid rushes over the table top and on to Sam's lap/crotch.

It burns.But he is crowded in.He can't move.He doesn't want to scream.So,Sam rolls his fingers on the table,grimaces,crosses his legs and fidgets in his seat as the people-jaws dropped-silently watch as the to the last drop spills into his lap.

Sam gulps.

A pretty,thirty something profession woman holds out a single solitary McDonald's napkin.

"Thanks,"says Sam.

Silence.

A single voice from the back of the crowd-perhaps a fourteen year old boy-breaks the hold on the crowd,"This is soo awesome,"Sam hears some electronic beeping,"I can't wait to put this on 'You Tube'."

Suddenly,like a flock of birds startled,the crowd starts yammering back to life.There is laughing;concern for his wetness.Someone hands him a towel.To Sam,this is all confusing.

"Please,people,"says someone whom Sam can only assume be the manager,"Mr.Every is a paying customer.Please let him eat in peace,"he lifts up Sam's coffee cup and pours Sam another cup of coffee.He whispers in Sam's ear,"Sir,do you want me to get rid of this crowd,or do you want to sign autographs...or something else of your choosing?"

Sam looks at the manager's Badge.It says,'Manager:Paul Whelby'.He looks in Paul's eyes.There is an honest conviction to do the right thing in them.The right thing.Hell.What would be the right thing here?

"Paul,"Sam says loudly,"Since I'm already on my second cup of your excellent McDonald's coffee,would you mind if I signed some autographs?Here,whose got a pen?"

The Comics

Yep,it's a tie.'Bad Reporter',by Don Asmussen,had two great strips this week.Both are cutting edge and sock it to the man.That is why they are both the comic of the week.

The rest of the trip to Helen is uneventful,if long.As he pulls onto I-75,Sam runs out of 'P-98'.He turns to 'WYSO',the Yellowsprings NPR station.They are talking to some professor from Oxford about quantum mechanics.

Finding this subject somewhat interesting,if dry,Sam starts to go off into his own little world.Thanksgiving was last Thursday.He is wondering just how he is going to afford any kind of Christmas at all this year,yet alone,one with the new furniture that Bridget wants to have.O-K,needs.

Christmas isn't about Jesus' birth.it is about presents.Or,more exactly,the memory of presents.

There is a small portion in Sam's every day life that always accepts Christ as his savior.Sam wholehearted believes-it is part of his being-that Jesus Christ was born,died,and reborn.He doesn't need Christmas to acknowledge or light this spark.He lives with it.

Sam sees the hustle and bustle of nearly everyone else during the Christmas season-people stressing themselves out to find the right amount of presents-as a way of spreading good cheer.He finds it very Christian for folks to be legitimately putting themselves out by making other people happy.It might be in a cheap artificial way,but to Sam,people giving more then they can afford to give,and doing it at a cost to themselves(be it through stress,overcharged credit card bills,or even just by saying,'Merry Christmas',to a co-worker),very Christian.

And the memories behind this giving stay within a person their whole lives.Most of Sam's personal best memories of Christmas are of the years of him growing up poor,and of one or two presents.But he finds that his best all time favorite recollection is the one after a great Christmas-Eve service.Bridget,Sean,Ryan,Jake and he were exiting the church only to find that it was snowing:hard.How happy his perfectly aged kids were.It was really coming down.Jake actually made snow angels in the middle of the deserted road.

So,it isn't that Sam needs to get the furniture for Bridget.Sam knows there will be fine memories of this year,with or without furniture,because the family is together.But,still,he wishes he could get it for her,anyway.

Sam is amazed that he is already at Exit number 74.He has made good time.He is a half an hour early.He sees the famous golden arches.Sam decides he 'IS' going to have that Breakfast Mac meal.He is even going to sit down inside to enjoy it.

It turns out,that is a wise decision.There is a line at the drive-thru.It is moving steady,but there is no one inside.Sam parks and exists the Focus.

The girl that greets him at the counter,is slightly what Sam's mother would call,'big boned',but,still,young and pretty.She gives Sam a big smile,"Welcome to McDonald's.Would you like to try a Breakfast Mac Meal with the new 'Special'tangy sauce?"

Sam is as excited as a dog wagging his tail.He was originally going to get the original Breakfast Mac.But,now,she has made the special tangy sauce sound soo good,"Yes,thank you.That would be great.And,I'll have a large coffee,please."

"Do you want cream with that?"

This and That

Happy St. Nikolas Day.Though we are not Catholic,I come from a Catholic background,and today,December 6th,is the traditional start of the gift giving season in our house hold.Next,comes the boys' birthday on the 17th.Then,there is Christmas Eve-Eve-the traditional day I celebrate the season at work.I used to give out small gifts like lottery tickets,cigarettes etc.;I would then go shopping and celebrating with my brother Carl and cousin Frank(it was more of a party than anything).Now,Christmas Eve-Eve is an early excuse of being of good cheer.Finally we will have the multiple days of celebrating Christmas with family and friends..usually ending on New Years Eve.

For St.Nikolas Day,our tradition has evolved into me giving Christmas mugs filled with candy,maybe a toy or book or Christmas ornament....and...you have to have a tangerine!So,Happy St. Nikolas Day.

Works sucks.I don't care.Tuesday I had to travel 200 miles for seven hours pay.Yesterday,I traveled 180 in the terrible snow(schools were cancelled).What usually takes me an hour and a half took me over three.I got five hours pay.Today,I might get eight hours in for the 180 round trip.

Oh,and I didn't get my dollar an hour raise.I got the responsibility,just not the raise.When I was still making only $10.00 an hour on my last check,I bitched.They said that I get the raise after a sixty WORK DAY probation!Lucky me.

But,I am letting this roll off me.I am of good cheer.The boys are seniors,we are all together,and it is the Christmas season.It snowed yesterday,and though the driving was scary and ruff in the morning,it was beautiful coming home.

That is around it.I have to go to work.Happy St. Nikolas Day.

Only In D.C.

Sam hops into his 2000 silver Ford Focus.He sets his work stuff on the passenger seat and his coffee into the cup holder.He starts the car.It rumbles to life.The muffler-or something-is overly loud and shakes the car as it idles.

It is slightly chilly.Sam turns the handle of the heater switch to defrost and then the fan up to high.The air comes out cold,so Sam grabs for a sip of his coffee.Immediately,it seems as if someone is twisting his left eye socket.He tilts his neck-left,his teeth chattering.The words coming out of his mouth quick and short,sounding like Alvin and The Chipmunks singing,"Ooow,Eee,Aaah,Ah Aah."

Slowly ,Sam re-straightens his head,and sets his coffee into the holder,tenderly as if it were nitroglycerin.

Sam has to drive from Peaksville to Helen,Ohio today.He will be working in a factory that he has never been to before.The place is called 'Effenpea'.They make some kind of auto part.All that Sam knows is from 'MapQuest'.It is over an hour and fifteen minutes away.

As he pulls out of the driveway,he mumbles that it is a long way to go for a $10.00 an hour job without benefits.Especially since he doesn't get paid travel or gas.

He drives through downtown Peaksville,past the statue of the human head coming out of the jack-in-the-box,past Rommel's newsstand,and into the 'Speedway'.

$3.20 for a gallon of gas!And it takes him over ten gallons to fill up.There goes three hours of today's pay.Suddenly,Sam needs a pick me up.He goes inside and buys himself a Snickers with Almonds.Back on the highway.

Slowly,all along Rt 47,Sam slips his atomic bred coffee-grimacing like he has just pounded down a double shot of Canadian Mist every time he does so.He turns on 'P-98',and listens to it's local version of rock music.A McDonald's ad comes on for a new'special' tangy sauce for the 'Breakfast Mac' sandwich.Only a buck!

Sam loves the 'Breakfast Mac'.He drools and sighs like Homer Simpson,"OoohOhOh.".How did it take them soo long to come up with the idea of replacing the 'two all beef patties' with 'two pork sausage patties' and serving it up for breakfast?

The sandwich reinvents the jiggle.Sam(and everyone else)likes the commercial where the two kids take turns singing their different versions of it."Two pork sausage patties,special sauce,lettuce,cheese,pickles,onions on a sesame seed bun,"Sam sings to himself."Oh,I hope the new 'special' tangy sauce is just as good as the old 'special' sauce."

Still an hour from Helen,Sam decides that if he has the time,he will stop at Micky D's....Mmmm,a McDonald's coffee,and a Breakfast Mac.Aaah...a Breakfast Mac Meal!!! That's the ticket:-)

The Comics

In what is quickly becoming one of my favorite strips,'Frog Applause' has once again come in a close second with this great Saturday strip.Yes,I have wondered if....

But,the comic of the week belongs to Doonesbury,also from Saturday,December,1st.All week,Doonesbury has been about this guy named Toogle who is in Iraq downloading music off of Pandora.com for his fellow soldiers.Today he quoted Paul McCarthy,in what John Lennon said proves that Paul can write very profound lyrics.Just an awesome comic.By far,it is the comic of the week.

Ohio State In National Championship Game

Because both Missouri and West Virginia lost tonight Ohio State is in the Championship game...but against whom?LSU?Georgia?USC?I really don't care.Hell,I don't even care if they win.#2 is great for a rebuilding year!

The only thing this season shows,is that NCAA football needs a playoff system!

Gooo,Buckeyes!

Do You Want Cream With That?

"OOOOOOOOOOOOooooood morning, Peaksville!It's five am.Time for your 'P-98; news...."

So begins Sam Everly's Tuesday morning.He pushes the 'off' button on his 'GE' dual alarm clock/cd player,and swings his feet out of bed.

So begins Sam Everly's every morning.Always waking to the 'P-98' news sign on-never the news.Always swinging his feet out of bed.Always raising zombie like to the bathroom and then downstairs to waste away the first half hour or so of his morning doodling on the computer.

Check his e-mails,read the funnies.He has to have his funnies.More than once does he sit in front of his E-Machine patiently waiting for it to reboot back to life so that he can get onto to his funnies:Comics.com,Go Comics,or his two secret weapons,SeattlePI.com and TheSeattleTimes.com.

Sam doesn't live in Seattle,nor Washington.Sam lives in Peaksville,Ohio.But The Times carries today's 'Crankshaft',and thePost-Intelligencer carries today's 'Funky Winkerbean'.

They are two of the many main strips Sam has to have.'Moderately Confused','Frog Applause','Retail','The Meaning Of Lila'.He has to have them all.

'ZZZZZZZZ'Snoring.Bridget must have slept the night on the couch.It's funny,he didn't notice that she wasn't in bed.She must have had another migraine-or worse-another cluster.These always make her sleep downstairs.Millie,the eight year old cocker spaniel is sleeping soundly beside Bridget,Sam supposes.

Thank God for 'Imitrex'.It is a wonder drug.

Back to typing,Sam finishes his funnies and starts reading the few blogs that he has become addicted to reading.These bloggers are close internet friends.He comments on their thoughts whether political,poetical,life expanding or life experiencing.Sam likes expanding on their ideas or complimenting them on their great knowledge or wisdom or passions or love.

This morning two are brand new:"Love your thoughts on the President.They are right on!"He writes on one,"Love Tattoos,"He begins on another,"The only reason I don't have any myself is because I can't think of anything that I would want permanently on my body."Satisfied with his wit,Sam looks at his Timex Expedition Indiglo watch.The turquoise brilliance splashes in his eyes:'Time to go.'

Sam is already in his t-shirt and underwear.He has set his pants and work shirt on the ottoman next to the dining room table-across the way from the computer.Why the ottoman is next to the only used for homework table and not next to the love seat in the living room,Sam will never know. He doesn't make these decisions,he just accepts them.

Refreshed by his internet,it is only now that he is away from it that Sam realizes he needs coffee.The coffee in the pot is old.The remains of last evening's Folger's French Roast.Sam doesn't mind.He pours it into his giant travel mug,and contemplates it a moment.Not enough.

Not enough caffeine.

Sam reaches past the toaster and grabs the three quarters full jar of 'Great Value' 100% Arabica Instant Coffee'.Grabbing a clean looking dirty spoon from the sink he heaps in two large teaspoons of the instant and mixes it up with the Folger's in his travel mug.

He nukes it in the Emerson microwave for two minutes while he puts on his shoes and socks and brushes his teeth.'Ding!Sam grabs the steaming cup and forgoing milk,pops closed the lid.

Quickly,Sam dons his fitted Cleveland Indians cap,grabs his work stuff,the Focus keys and with all that-plus his coffee mug-out the door he goes.

The Black Keys Mania

In an effort to get tickets to their Dec,22,2007 sold out show,I wrote on The Black Key's webpage .Since I linked to here,I thought,heck,I might as well paste some of my previous posts and my all time favorite video(couldn't hurt:-)

http://thedrew102.blogspot.com/2006/11/time-to-ketchup-pt-ii.html

http://thedrew102.blogspot.com/search?q=the+black+keys

http://thedrew102.blogspot.com/2007/06/tv-commercials-that-rock.html

Jan.9th,2007
CRAP!Ouch!This was ugly.The only good thing about this game was when they started the third quarter,they played '10 am Automatic' by The Black Keys as a sound bite intro.

http://thedrew102.blogspot.com/2006/09/time-to-ketchup-2.html

http://thedrew102.blogspot.com/2006/09/black-keys_12.html

Introduction:

Hello.I am Ronald McDonald.To most people,I am the well loved clown that happily imparts the glory of the fun time experience of eating at the world's largest fast food restaurant,my home,my beloved,McDonald's.But when you serve over 54 million people around the world each and every day like we do at Micky D's,I feel it is not just the fun that brings you to my place,but the LOVE.

And not just the love for a great dinning experience;I'm talking a shared love.You love eating at McDonald's and 'WE' love having you.Whether you are enjoying getting your daily morning cup of Arabica coffee at our quick service drive-thru'or taking your grandchildren as a special treat to one of our many indoor/outdoor playground facilities,just knowing that we are bringing a smile to your face,puts one on ours.

We're Loving It.

During this holiday season,we at McDonald's thought of yet another way of putting another happy smile upon your busy faces.We thought that while you were enjoying your cheeseburger or a healthy and delicious fruit salad;you would like to hear a nice Christmas story.

You don't have to even be Christian to enjoy this story of love.I'm talking to you Japan.The story can be used as a metaphor for old fashioned values finding their place in this modern new fangled world.

"Merii Kurisumasu."

* *** *

The Comics

This Turkey Day comic,a'Moderately Confused',by Jeff Stahler,hits all the right marks.It is current,topical,comical and just downright funny.That is why it is the comic of the week.

In what is quickly becoming one of my favorite strips,'Frog Applause' has once again come in a close second with this great Saturday strip.Yes,I have wondered if....


But,the comic of the week belongs to Doonesbury,also from Saturday,December,1st.All week,Doonesbury has been about this guy named Toogle who is in Iraq downloading music off of Pandora.com for his fellow soldiers.Today he quoted Paul McCarthy,in what John Lennon said proves that Paul can write very profound lyrics.Just an awesome comic.By far,it is the comic of the week.

Yep,it's a tie.'Bad Reporter',by Don Asmussen,had two great strips this week.Both are cutting edge and sock it to the man.That is why they are both the comic of the week.

This 'Tank McNamara' from Thursday,Dec,13th ran a very close second.I laughed out loud at this.



This '9 To 5',by Harley Schwadron,from yesterday,Saturday,the 15th,made me laugh so hard that I had to make it the comic of the week.



This 'Luann ',by Greg Evans,from Thursday,December 20th,2007 was the accumulation of many many strips before it.I don't know how long it has been since hotty-bo-tottie Toni Daytona and Luann's brother,Brad have been going around in clumsy circles trying to justify liking each other,but no matter what later in the week strips implied,this is the loooong awaited moment where Toni admits to herself that she loves the somewhat plain Brad.Greg Evans has made this relationship seem sooo real and believable,that it is an actual happy moment in 'my' life to see this love kiss from Toni to Brad.That Mr.Evans worked it so beautifully into a Chirstmas strip is just ...magic!That is why this is the comic of the week.




In a week of Christmas themed comics,this 'Get Fuzzy' from Christmas Eve broke the mold and went a different direction.So funny.

Though I am not a real big fan of 'Pearls Before Swine',I thought this Christmas day strip was the best of all the Christmas strips and it even started turning me into a fan of this somewhat quirky comic.The 'Peanuts' reference is quite special especially since the artist,Stephan Pastis,used to work for Charles Schulz.That is why this is the comic of the week.

This 'Frank and Ernest' by Thaves from Friday Janurary 4th,2008 is by far the funniest strip so far in the new year.That is why it is the comic of the week.




This very funny 'Tiny Sepuku' ,from Wednesday,January 10,asks the very hard question of whether love should hurt and then gives us the answer.It is the comic of the week.
'Tiny Sepuku is an advice comic strip. The name is a butchered spelling of the Japanese word "seppuku" which roughly means "sacrifice for the benefit of others". It began as a parody of Hello Kitty in 1997' (quote from the Tiny Sepuku website)

Happy Thanksgiving

http://www.ohio.com/entertainment/shinn/11003761.html?page=all&c=y


Though it has been a rough year in many ways,I want to give thanks to not only my God but to my Family,and also to my Friends.Thank you for being there for my joys.I praise you for being with me during my concerns.Perhaps,it is through these concerns that I give you the most thanks and praise.I do not know how I would have survived with out you.In Jesus' name I pray.Amen

Freakin' Liar!

Here is a freakin' liar telling a blatant freakin' lie!The question I ask is...why would he be lying?Just to lie?To mislead?Why?

The Difference Between Great Britain And America

http://www.maniacworld.com/Phone-Salesman-Amazes-Crowd.html

<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnVDHzUAj30>

The Comics

This 'Frog Applause' was in contention for the comic of the week... ...just pointing it out for a job well done,that's all.




But this,'Clear Blue Water' from yesterday(Saturday,November,17,2007) is the 'clear' winner.'Clear Blue Water',by Karen Montague-Reyes,is a great strip.It tells the stories of the Eve & Manny Torres family and all of their trials and tribulations.The Torres are a spunky group with a very large family that includes young twins and an autistic child as well.Throw in a quirky bunch of friends and a mix bag of political ideologies and you have an unpredictable madhouse of laughter.This strip jumps the gun on the tradition Thanksgiving themed comic strip week,but with hilarious results.That is why it is the comic of the week.

OSU BEATS WOLVERINES

Hurray!Buckeyes beat Michigan 14-3!That's four years in a row folks!

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Let's see,for $11.00[a dollar raise]an hour,my company wants me to drive to the warehouse-45 miles away-towards Columbus-to be at their warehouse in Plain City
at 5:30am-driving my car,using my gas,to pick up a new employee because he doesn't have enough gas in his car to drive.

Then,next,for a $10.00 traveling bonus they want me to travel-without my $11.00 per hour pay-for an hour an a half,the opposite way>back past Bellefontaine>all the 90 mile way to Celina.

So far,I have driven all this time and mileage for $10.00 lousy dollars.Then,if I am lucky,I get to put in a 8-10 hour day,and drive this new employee the 90 miles back to his car in Plain City for free!

Finally,again for free,I get to go home.

If I take the van{because it is running better} and say,if I stretch the truth and say that it gets 20 mpg,it will take me over 13 gallons of gas to go from here,to there,there and back again,and then back to here.At Bellefontaine gas prices($3.20),I will spend $41.60 on gas.I will not get paid the 45 minutes to Plain City,nor the 180 mile round trip to Celina and back to Plain City.Also,my time is free for the 45 minutes going home.That is four and a half hours of my time for which I am not getting paid.My van does get $10.00 gas though.

If I work eight hours,I will have put in an extra four and a half hours for free to get it.So,$88.00 plus the ten bucks for gas is $98.00.Minus the $41.60 is $56.40.Divide that by 12 hours that I put in,that's,let's see...
...$4.60 an hour.

I made more than that on my paper route when I was twelve.That was thirty seven years ago!I might just call in sick...because I am sick of this shit.

Quick notes

Here are some quick notes:


Where would I be without friends who care for my well being?I would -and should -kiss you.You know who you are.

The Browns once again got robbed.I won't go as far as my Dad and say the game is fixed,but how come Pittsburgh's offensive line was allowed to tackle our defense without ever getting a flag,but with less then two minutes to go with us on The Steelers 40 yard line we get a THIRTY YARD penalty?Sour grapes?I only wish.

My work sucks.Now that I have been there a whole year I realize that my soul is dying there.The only way to get a head is either give it or,be related to someone high up.Once again,I only wish this was sour grapes.People working there only a month and a half are given the only guaranteed eight hour jobs because they are either the nephew of a higher boss or the Mom of another.Meanwhile they give me a dollar raise only to give me more responsibility with less hours and more travel time(140 miles a day without travel time or gas mileage).

It has been a rough couple of weeks.When it rains,it pours.Which reminds me...

...I like it when it rains.

Shit!It's almost 5:00 am.I gotta go.

The Comics

There is Diesel Sweeties.....The new daily strip....
.....and there is Diesel Sweeties....

....the on line more adult version.

Either version is a rocker[and I rock out].I have been a fan of Richard Steven's Diesel Sweeties from almost the very beginning,somehow finding it on line very early on.I even have three of his t-shirts( 'Johnny Cash Is A Gangsta'/The cassette image/and the 'Chewie Is My Co-Pilot' t-shirt.

This on-line Diesel Sweeties from last Sunday,November 4th,pushed all the right buttons.A girl with blue hair.Talking about watching 'hentai' (Japanese anime porn).It was just adult enough without actually going too far off the edge.More of an imagination thing,really.Sort of like old forties movies.That is why is is the comic of the week.

P.S. Crush all hu-mans.

The Ghost Of Tom Joad

Thanks to Mixter for putting me into a 'Rage'.This is a so-so video of 'Rage Against The Machine's cover of the Bruce Springsteen song,'The Ghost Of Tom Joad'.Rage's version is,in my opinion,one of the absolute best rock songs:EVER!

Of course the song is about one of the main characters in John Steinbeck's absolutely great novel,"The Grapes Of Wrath".And of course
the anthem shouted out near the end of the song is the famous soliloquy made famous by Henry Fonda who portrayed Tom Joad in the absolute classic movie version of the magnificent book.





Now here is Bruce Springsteen's version.


I liked Rage's version best...but what about you?

Cleveland Browns vs.The Pittsburgh Steelers

Yes,OH,yes,I know it is a little early in the week to be encouraging you Browns fans out there.And yes,OH,yes I know that The Browns will have to play their absolute best for any chance at beating the 'Big whoop-Dee Doo' Pittsburgh Steelers whom are soo great,and win soo many Super Bowls.

But this message is not for you,the fans.This message is for the team itself.

Dear,Cleveland Browns football team,You come from a long history of great Cleveland Brown football teams.At one time,THE BROWNS had the biggest win percentage in the entire NFL!The Browns were in ten consecutive Championship games!!That's TEN!!The Browns have 8 league championships recognized by the NFL Hall Of Fame!Their first year in The NFL they won the whole ship and Kaboodle:They were The NFL Champions!

Cleveland fans-and I am not just talking about the crazy goofballs that dress up trying to be part of the show...but the true blooded-'Love The Browns NO MATTER WHAT' FANS:LOVE YOU!

Be Brave!Play to win!We are rooting for you!We know you can do it!Goooo Browns!!!Beat Pittsburgh!!!

The Hippocratic Party!!!

That's right folks,there's a new party in town.I call it,'The Hippocratic Party".We will stand up to the BIG hypocrites in office-both Repubican[no sic] and Democratic.

Our job:To expose the hypocrites for whom they are.Gay,but against gay rights?Hypocrite!In bed with the bin Laden family{no wonder you can't find him}?HYPOCRITE!

That's right,America,we're standing up for Life,Liberty and The Pursuit of Happiness!Whose with me,America?Let's vote the crooks out and bring back Truth,Justice and the American Way!

All aboard,say,Yea!Yea to The Hippocratic Party!Hip!Hip!Hurray!

The Comics

In a week with allot of fun Halloween strips [I'm talking to you'Retail'],this past Sunday's (Oct.28th) 'Biographic' was the absolute most fun.That is why it is this week's comic of the week.

Well Remembered

My nephew Todd was laid to rest yesterday.It was the nicest remembrance service that I have ever been to.Boy did Todd travel.He saw 46 states,and most of Europe and Asia.He loved music,was well read,but most importantly,very well loved.26 is much too young,but he got the most out of it.I will miss you Todd.

As a tribute to Todd,here is 2nd Corinthians 5:1-8[from 'The Message ' Bible]:
We know that when these bodies of ours are taken down like tents and folded away, they will be replaced by resurrection bodies in heaven—God-made, not handmade—and we'll never have to relocate our "tents" again. Sometimes we can hardly wait to move—and so we cry out in frustration. Compared to what's coming, living conditions around here seem like a stopover in an unfurnished shack, and we're tired of it! We've been given a glimpse of the real thing, our true home, our resurrection bodies! The Spirit of God whets our appetite by giving us a taste of what's ahead. He puts a little of heaven in our hearts so that we'll never settle for less.

That's why we live with such good cheer. You won't see us drooping our heads or dragging our feet! Cramped conditions here don't get us down. They only remind us of the spacious living conditions ahead. It's what we trust in but don't yet see that keeps us going. Do you suppose a few ruts in the road or rocks in the path are going to stop us? When the time comes, we'll be plenty ready to exchange exile for homecoming.




And here is a great song that seems to fit somehow from 'Paint Your Wagon'.Yes,that is Lee Marvin singing.