DON: 'Iced' tea?
ELLA: Uh,yeah...tea with ice in it.
DON: It's 'ICE' tea.Not iced tea.
ELLA: No,your tea is iced.Tea poured over ice,or,perhaps,ice dropped into tea.It is not tea turned into ice.
DON: No one calls it iced tea.Except you.It's ice tea.I'll have a nice ice tea,please.I love ice tea.It is never ever iced tea.
ELLA: Besides being totally wrong,you are also totally grouchy.Perhaps you need something stronger than an iced tea?
DON: It is just like you.I need to sober up.I can't afford to walk around with my head in the clouds anymore.You-you prefer to dictate terms,make agendas,Your way or the highway.You talk a good game,but that's all.That's it.You don't do anything to actually solve a problem.
ELLA: It doesn't seem like I am the one with the problem.This 'iced' bourbon I am holding seems to prove that you are the one with the problem.Not me.
DON: Ignoring a problem doesn't make it any less of a problem.In fact,the problem can't be addressed before you accept that there is a problem.
ELLA: Again,I am the one not with the iced tea in my hand.You are.It seems you are the one that can't handle his or her liquor.Booze doesn't make you drunk.You make you drunk.
DON: WoW!Really?What was that two minutes?
ELLA: Aaah...now,this is a great iced bourbon.Never trust a man that doesn't drink.
DON: You're just one cliche' after another aren't you?
ELLA: Oh,sip your little girly drink all you like.Just don't push your un~American cooties on to me,okay?We tried regulating drinking before.That turned out well,didn't it.WoW.This is tasty.
DON: It's all about laws and rules to you isn't it?We have too many laws.Let's make a law to fix that.
ELLA: You're cute when you're angry.
DON: Aah,the old bate and switch.
ELLA: Pardo?
DON: Handguns.You are always preaching the right to bare arms.
ELLA: And bare legs.You'd look good in a dress.
DON: I'm ignoring you.
ELLA: But I'm not going away.
DON: Handguns.Abortion.These two things are smokescreens.
ELLA: You're blowing smoke,alright.
DON: How many of those have you had?
ELLA: Quit trying to regulate me.Go on with your pretty little story.
DON: You got people all up in arms over gun control.
ELLA: Nice pun.
DON: All the while our rights to free speech are being taken away megabit by megabit and you don't bat an eye.
ELLA:-)
DON: Quit batting your eyes.
ELLA: You're sexy when your mad.
DON: Do you know what the Third Amendment is?
ELLA: The right to order another bourbon?
DON: No.It's :No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.
ELLA: Honey,we are in two wars.And I don't see any soldiers in anyone's houses.
DON: No,we have not declared war on either Iraq or Afghanistan.
ELLA: Hello,the war on terrorism.
DON: No,you can't declare war on a word.
ELLA: Al Qaeda and the Taliban,then.
DON: No.Never officially declared.
ELLA: Well,we are officially out of Iraq anyway.But don't tell my step brother.Sssh.
DON: My point is the NSA has no right listening in on my conversations.
ELLA: Blah,blah,blah,blah,blah.
DON: I just don't understand why you aren't as upset about this as the government trying to take away your guns.
ELLA: Look,flower child.If you do nothing wrong you should be allowed to keep your guns.The government has no right to take away my gun.It's in the Second Amendment.King George wanted to take away our guns.So did Hitler.
DON: That brings me back to my point:No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.
ELLA: What the..what are you talking about?
DON: The NSA listening to my your our conversations.!It's putting a government agents right inside of your and my homes.Listening to everything we say.Reading everything we write.It's against the Third Amendment.
ELLA: If you aren't doing anything wrong,why are you afraid that the government could be listening?
DON: Smoke screen!
ELLA: Hello,I'm the one drinking here.Why are you the one sounding drunk?
DON: Because guns aren't the real issue here.No one is threatening to take away any one's guns.Especially not Obama.He's pro~gun.He has been since day one.
ELLA: Please.Since Sandy Hook that's all he talks about.
DON: To no avail.He knows that.Hell,gun sales have never been so brisk.Obama is a walking billboard for guns.
ELLA: Can't argue that...BUT...
DON: But...since he can't get you to budge on your guns,Obama and the NSA have taken a different route.Hidden surveillances,phone monitoring,reading e~mails.The Feds are in all of our houses and no one is saying a word.
ELLA: That genie is already out of the bottle...and it's too late.The genie ain't ever going back in.
DON: What? How can you be so pro~gun Second Amendment and not care about the Third at all?
ELLA: You're the one that doesn't care.You are doing what you always accuse me of doing:speaking with forked tongue.
DON: Wh..what?!?How can you say that?
ELLA: Aren't you the one always shouting big government over big business?Yet,you've agreed to Google's terms of agreement without batting an eye.You've clicked,'I Accept' to Face Book,Amazon,I-Tunes.You could be giving away your first born child for all that you know.
DON: Yes..but only in order to get their services.Nobody reads those things.
ELLA: You shop at the big chain stores eventhough you know that they monitor your purchases.You have your store cards.How many are in your wallet or on your key chain?We don't need any more gun laws because all we have to do is ask to see Wal*Marts gun purchase records.
DON: Now,wait a minute.
ELLA: All in the name of convenience and cheap third world prices.
DON: I don't buy guns at Wal*Mart or anywhere else.
ELLA: You better,because ~oh..it's okay to let the giant evil corporations follow your every move...but how dare the benevolent government track words or phrases of your conversation.Waa,it's un~Constitutional.
DON: What's that got to do with buying guns?
ELLA: Ya gotta choose your battles,buddy.If you are a law abiding citizen you do and say as you please.Your government ain't coming after ya.
DON: Ya,says you.
ELLA: Hey,I'm the anti~government fella here.But look at it this way.The NSA monitoring us could be a plus for freedom of speech.
DON: Whoa,whoa,whoa.Do you really want that third bourbon?You're really talking trash,now.
ELLA: No,no.Hear me out.When a tree falls in the forest and there's no one to hear it,does it make a sound?
DON: Um?
ELLA: It doesn't matter,does it?No one's listening.
DON: Ah,o~kay.
ELLA: So all these people blogging.
DON: Yes...
ELLA: So now...someone's listening.The tree is making a sound.
DON: Oh,brother.
ELLA: See?Freedom of speech wins the day.
DON:
ELLA: See?See?
DON: Bartender.I'll have a scotch on the rocks.ICED!Make it a double!
ELLA: That's the spirit.Now,that's the Don I know and love.Bottoms up.
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