Old, Grizzled Third-Party Candidate May Steal Support From McCain

Tom Cruise To Sue McCain/Palin

The Hyppocratic Party has learned from sources close to Tom Cruise that through his connections deep inside the bowels of the Scientology movement that he has ordered the John McCain/Sarah Palin ticket to stop referring to themselves both together and seperately as'Maverick'.

"We all know that I am the only true 'Maverick',"Tom Cruise is reportedly to have said."Everyone knows that John McCain's true pilot nickname was,'ACE'.And it was not because he shot down five enemy planes either...remember people,he was a bomber pilot...it was because he,and I must emphasize this,it was because he,John McCain,crashed 'FIVE' of his own planes!For John McCain to call himself ,'Maverick',well,it's just despicable."

Furthermore,according to our sources,Tom cruise went on to exclaim,"Senator McCain can use any other nickname,'Scooter','Playboy' or even what he was mostly known as,'Chicken Sh*t'.That's with an asterisk,people.We don't care.Anything but,'Maverick'."

Mr.Cruise's tirade did not end with McCain,"As for Ms.Palin,hot women and sidekicks are never-ever considered to be,'Mavericks'.They ride on back of the bike.A good nickname for her would be,'Goose' or 'Katie'.

The Tom Cruise message ended on an ominous note,"We here at The Big 'C' will not tolerate any further 'Maverick' discretion's.Being sued will just be the beginning of your problems.DO NOT MESS WITH THE BIG 'C'.

When asked if the 'Big C' stood for Tom Cruise,Katie...er...we mean our source,said,"What!?!Oh,of course not,the Big 'C' means 'Scientology',silly."

There has been no word on this account from the McCain camp.The Hyppocratic Party will keep you abreast of any further developments in this story.

...And On The Sixth Day DP&L Said,"Let There Be Light"

The remnants of Hurricane Ike blew through my little Ohio town last Sunday(September 14th) with hurricane 75 mile an hour winds.Six days later our downtown(a block and a half away from the hospital) eight little cluster of houses is finally back on.The weather was pleasant,the moon was full and I cranked the daylights out our little self charging radio every ten minutes or so...so it wasn't all that bad.I actually enjoyed the break in the chains of my computer,and the oppression of my Tv...at least until the end of day five.I am thankful for my handy dandy cellphone.It was my nightlight.My alarm.And my form of communication.

Needless to say,our little adventure,though a tad stressful and a bit tiring,was nothing compared to what the fine folks in Texas were and are going through.Our hearts and prayers are with them.

A Tribute

Sept.11,2001-

8:45 am :American Airlines flight 11 crashes into the North Tower of The World Trade Center.

9:03am:United Airlines flight 175 crashes into the South Tower of The World Trade Center.

9:43am:American Airlines flight 77 crashes into The Pentagon

10:05am:The south Tower collapses.

10:10am:United Airlines flight 93 crashes in Somerset County(near Shanksville) ,Pennsylvania.

10:28am:The North Tower Collapses.

2,973 people died and 24 people still remain listed as missing.I dedicate this posting to these brave souls and their families.God be with them all.

Future V.P. Debate

[Sitting in our Hippocratic office the other evening a man appeared in a puff of smoke claiming to be from the future.He said his name was Brad Hanson and that he came back to the past to deliever to us this,yet to be,vice presidential debate video tape.Here is a partial transcript:]





Moderator:Mrs.Palin,Contrary to early reports that the Republican Party was going to keep it's strong-some refer to it as a -'total' -ban on abortions in this year's platform,that appears not to be the case.If I may refer to page 52 of that document,there is no specific language stating that the party opposes an abortion ban in cases of rape,incest,or the fear of the mother's life.My question to you,Mrs.Palin,do you personally feel that your party's language is strong enough in this area?Why?Why not?


Sarah Palin:Thank you for your question.I have long been an an opponent of any and all abortions.I ran on this issue in my very first election.Let's be perfectly clear on this:abortion is murder.All abortion.The language of our-the Republican-platform is very very strong.There is no need,absolutely no need,to include phrases and clauses into our stance.It is very clear as stated on it's own.Republicans are against abortion.We are for 'Life.Liberty,and the pursuit of Happiness',as I believe all good Americans are.

In fact,our party has done more than our fair share to save the unborn.Almost all laws-or attempted laws-to stop this genocide have come from within the Christian right:the Republican Party.

I praise my opponent,Senator Biden,for also being pro-life.I question-however-his audacity.While spouting verbiage of support,Mr.Biden,a supposed good Catholic,waffles letting millions of innocents die because in policy,he continues to look the other way.My opponent allows abortion.As Jesus himself said,"He who is not with me,is against me."Pardon my bluntness,Mr.Biden,but I feel your stance is just more of the Washington bluster.


Moderator:Senator Biden...a rebuttal?


Senator Biden:Thank you.First off,I would like to congratulate my opponent for the chance to debate her,today.It's about time that the Republicans brought a female pitbull-even one wearing lipstick- into the fight.But since Ms.Palin so graciously brought MY LORD,JESUS into this debate,I do not think that I would be remiss in quoting my savior,as well.Asked if it was lawful to pay the tax Jesus said:"Give to Caesar what is Caesar's and give to God what is God's."Now,if this isn't Jesus supporting the separation of church and state,I don't know what is.See,here is where Governor Palin and I disagree.I feel that the Republican party is more responsible for this abortion debacle than they are willing to admit.They say they feel strongly on this issue,but play politics constantly with it.Most Democrats feel as their Republican brother's do,that abortion should not be used as birth control.But as is painfully obvious to most Americans,'abstinence only' does not always work.And with big business/Wall Street pushing out more and more sex provoking images to sell shampoo,the sexual labios of some very very good kids is being put to the test daily.It just keeps getting harder and harder to'just say no'.

But that is not the main issue,here.I am constantly amazed,Governor,that the party that is constantly spouting it wants less and less government,is pushing for more.

Your party's exclusive no exception abortion policy is an abomination to us Democrats.How can you tell a husband that he has NO RIGHT/NO CHOICE in whether his wife lives or dies?If the decision has to be made between a mother's life or that of the unborn child's-how dare you say that the government's rights supercede that of the families?

That's what this debate is about,the familes right in a crisis situation to make the painful decision.The government is too big when it gets that final say.And until the G.O.P. moderates it's position on this matter,there can be no compromise.We can not allow your big government interference to have the ultimate authority on a familes life or death situation.Live Free or die,Mrs.Palin.Live Free or die.


Moderator:Rubuttal,Goveror?



Sarah Palin:You're having a bad hair day,senator.I already said that the Republican platform on abortion in no way mentions,'in cases of rape,incest or because of the mother's health'.That's not mentioned anywhere.You're barking up the wrong tree,senator.In most cases it isn't the size of the dog in the fight,but it's the size of fight in the dog.You,you're neither-you're best bet is to put your tail between your leg and hightail it out of here.

Sarah Palin:Bene Gesserit Witch?

The Hippocratic Party has learned from a top Pentagon source that Alaska governor,Sarah Palin maybe of the secret order of the Bene Gesserit,"She's a Bene Gesserit witch,alright,"claimed our source-using the derogatory name for nuns within the Bene Gesserit order,"If you heard her speaking at the R.N.C.,you could definitely tell she was using 'the voice'."

Fellow Republican,Mitt Romney,once himself considered a top choice for the convented V.P. spot,is said to have lauched the Pentagon investigation into Gov.Sarah Palin's background."At the convention,"Romney is reportedly to have stated,"I noticed the top of her 'tramp stamp'.It read,"Claims the former Govenor of Massachusetts," 'Fear Is The Mind...'well,I couldn't read the last word,but one would have to assume that it could only have said,'Killer'.'Fear Is The Mind Killer'.Isn't that what the witches say?"

According to our high Pentagon offical,Senator John McCain seemed unconcerned,"Isn't the Bene Gesserit a fictional order from the sci-fi series,'Dune'?"reportedly said McCain.

"He is so out of touch,"announced our source,"He doesn't even know what an 'I-Pod' is.Fiction-paah."

As if to advance the Pentagon's claim our offical produced a photo of Sarah Palin and her daughter,Piper,that he says is on the sand planet,Arrakis.

"Spice is the only trade from the planet Arrakis,"spouted Mitt Romney,"If Sarah Palin was there,it could only be to introduce the highly addictive spice to Earth.This must be looked into immediately."


The Hippocratic Party believes
the Bene Gesserit Order to be a
total work of fiction,but must in
good conciseness report this story
based on the evidence given to us
by a non-biased pentagon source.

If further information comes available,you can count on theHippocratic Party to publish it.

Republican V.P. candidate Sarah Palin & daughter,
Piper,supposedly on Arrakis.

Top Ten McCain/Palin Faux Pas Plus One good Point

10: Sarah Palin looks more like Tina Fey than Fran Dresher

9:Alaska's population is basically the same as Ohio's 10th Congressional District(around 650,000)...damn those Dennis Kucinich comparisons!

8:Their campaign has no counter to Barack Obama/Joe Biden saying,"I know Hillary Clinton and you are no Hillary Clinton{and you know this will happen}."

7: Sarah Palin keeps getting stopped at 'press' checkpoints for not having her local 'weather-girl' press pass.

6:John McCain has to keep reminding her that 'the right to bare arms' does not mean that she gets to have her own nuclear weapon.

5:John McCain can not keep from giggling when saying that he will,"Keep her abreast on foreign policy matters."

4:Their campaign has no counter to George H.W. Bush saying,"I know Dan Quayle and she's no Dan Quayle."

3:Neither John nor Sarah 'Can't believe it's not butter'.

2:John and Sarah....weren't they the ones that caused the terminators to take over the world....crap!

and 1:Everyone knows that Virgos and Capricorns don't mix!

But here is the one good point:Sarah Palin is no Dick Cheney!

John McCain:Illegal Alien?

This 1986 photo of senators Joe Lieberman
and John McCain lends credence to the Karl
Rove accusations.


The Hippocrat Party has come in contact with secret Rovian sources that purportedly report that Senator John McCain is being 'blackmailed' into playing a 'Barney Fife' role in the upcoming presidential election.

According to the sources that were seen but not copied,Karl Rove stated that,"The only way John McCain can possibly win this election is by following the 'Mayberry Plan' to the letter."

The mythical,'Mayberry Plan' is said to be a mathematical calculation invented by Karl Rove that doubles the chances of any politician getting elected.Equations beyond our comprehension at the Hippocrat party seem to state that if said candidate follows the 'Character Rule'[George W.Bush became the character known as 'Goober'] of the 'Mayberry Plan,percentage points run 50% higher than if a candidate ran on his/her own identity alone.

Maverick candidate John McCain was said to be strongly against the Mayberry/Barney Fife plan.He was quoted as saying that,"It's just plan stupid."

But according to the documents that we glanced through,this course of action did not sit well with the power broker,Karl Rove's,team.Scribblings seem to indicate that Mr.Rove 'had an ace up his sleeve':John McCain may not be a 'Natural Born Citizen Of The United States '.

This is important because:Section 1 of Article II of the Constitution contains this clause: "No Person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President" And John McCain-according to these Rovian documents-is possibly not in accordance with this clause.

Karl Rove-again,in our unsubstantiated report-states,"I personally see no substance in this claim whatsoever,but innuendo knows nothing of fact.If John wants to be elected,he will have to play ball."

The basis of this innuendo is the fact that John McCain was only born on 'American soil ' after the fact....In fact,only retroactively.Read this from Wikipedia:
John McCain was born at the Coco Solo U.S. military base in the Panama Canal Zone to U.S. parents. Although the Panama Canal Zone was not considered to be part of the United States,[5] federal law states that "Any person born in the Canal Zone on or after February 26, 1904, and whether before or after the effective date of this chapter, whose father or mother or both at the time of the birth of such person was or is a citizen of the United States, is declared to be a citizen of the United States".[6] The law that conferred this status took effect on August 4, 1937, one year after John McCain was born — albeit with retrospective effect, resulting in McCain being declared a U.S. citizen.[7] However, the question as to whether or not he is a citizen from birth cannot be answered by this law because it took effect after his birth.

Our source further states that Karl Rove then said,"Yeah,Johnny boy played ball real quickly after that."
Though The Hippocrat Party can in no way substantiate our claims on these charges,events of the past few days{ nominating Sara Palin;Sara's 17 year old daughter,Bristol,announcing that she is five months pregnant and out of wedlock} seems to indicate that Senator McCain has become quite accustomed to shooting himself in the foot Barney Fife style.