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Saturday, May 26, 2012

Mormons Mad At Mitt Romney



According to Hippocratic sources a large and again larger segment of Latter Day saints are turning against Mitt Romney for his heretical stance of being a master of his own planet 'before he earns it by dying first'!

"Sure,Mitt wears his temple garments,"one Mormon woman is reported as saying,"But it is not enough to just wear them.You have to wear them in your heart.Mitt is cheating.By becoming president of The United States of America he is basically becoming the ruler over the Earth.He's skipping a step.Most Latter Day Saints believe it wrong to attempt this while you are still alive.Mormons can only rule planets AFTER THEY DIE!He's Satan."

An elderly saint puts it this way,"The church is known for it's prophecy.This could be a rule changer.If we don't have to die before we are rewarded with our own planet,we might as well just sell people naming rights to stars.Besides,Earth isn't his to rule,now,is it?!?"

To be fair,The Mormon Church's official stance is that saints will probably not own their own planets.But to be even fairer still,LDS theology has planet owning after death as a doable Mormon fundamental belief.

"I'm not saying that I would want Mitt assassinated,"claimed a Mormon missionary in Missoula,"In fact,just the opposite.I hope Mitt lives long and prospers.But what would happen he died after he was swore in?Would he own two planets?It boggles the mind."

"It would be,in my opinion"said a teenage girl wearing a summer dress,"Like a leverage buyout....replacing a truly God like saint with only a normal man.We're talking a pharaoh vs. God scenario,dah."

Others see it another way,"If he can rule the world before becoming God,"says a Latter Day small businessman,"Imagine what he could do for the economy.I think these anti-Romney Mormons are morons."

The Hippocratic Party does not take a stance on this issue.



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