She took a long drag of her cigarette,and then she blew the smoke out in her exhale.Though George knew the smoke to be toxic,he appreciated the beauty in it as it whisped and curled around her face.She said,"How can anyone actually believe in a god that let's 'his' chosen people mass murder another group of people and then they are praised for it instead of condemned just because they are God's chosen people?"
Her beauty was always out of his league.It was hard to get by it.Synapses triggered chemicals in his brain something akin to sexual climax-a pleasant mindless numbness-that he both rallied for and fought against when ever he was around her.Did it make him smarter/dumber?He didn't know.In the haze it all seemed like bluff.
That's why he fought it.It's just chemicals.It's just biology.Millions of years of evolution hard wired into his DNA.He saw a woman go into epileptic seizures when the American Tv news anchor spoke.It had nothing to do with him.There was no free choice involved.
Free choice.HA!It was closer to fate.Destiny.The world in it's mixed up chaos over the eons created her as surely as it created him.He felt like a flower being pollinated by a bee.
Evolution.God.It was all the fuckin' same.That's why he went with it.
And here she spoke as if there was no God.Evolution was the fuckin' trickster.She was proof of that.He always felt like he was drowning around her.She always seemed to think that she was the one walking on water.She didn't have these mind fucks(at least not around him).She didn't short circuit at his very voice.
"You are mistaking people's actions for God's,"he replied.He watched her inhale and exhale the smoke again.Was nothing that she did not beautiful?"Those damn things will kill you.Men are getting rich on your death.Well,men and women,really."
She stared at him momentarily,as if trying to figure her next move.It was just fractions of a second,"It doesn't matter if it was God or just his supposed chosen minion's actions.They are allowed to murder hundreds of innocent people because these other human beings killed one or two of them.Where is the outrage?If it was the other way around..oh..there would be outrage..if God did exist,he's a mad bugger."
George hated that he had to hide the fact that his body and mind were drawn to Maggie this way.Like a magnet=pulled against his will....pulled willingly...fuck...just pulled.His energy-in his mind-seemed to be absorbed by her's:merged into one being.He would go willingly.Yet,he couldn't.He fought it heart and soul.
His hope for God,gave him cause in this evolutionary battle.He wanted to see this battle for(against) her as love.Damn it,he didn't want it to be a losing battle on the evolutionary battlefield.If evolution was God,Maggie was it's chosen people.What chance did he have?
2 comments:
Interesting. Hey, you seem to be doing some mental exploring. Are you questioning your faith, is something else going on, or am I reading more into this than I should?
Mixter
Hi,Mixter...I question my faith periodically..it is hard seeing so many people use religion(or lack of it)as a weapon.
This story came to be,though through our conversations on your blog.While evolution is not only for the strong(it is mostly for the lucky)there appear to be winners and losers.it is so unemotional in character.
In this very short story I try to show the weakness of not wanting to have faith over using it.
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