If I was a reporter,I would ask George W. Bush this question:Mr President In Mark 10:42-45,it says,"42 Jesus summoned them and said to them, You know that those who are recognized as rulers over the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones make their authority over them felt.
43 But it shall not be so among you. Rather, whoever wishes to be great among you will be your servant; 44 whoever wishes to be first among you will be the slave of all. 45 For the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many."
Mr.President,Since you claim to be put in your position by our Lord and Saviour,do you feel that you have projected more of the being the slave and servant for all,or more of the gentile lord who makes his authority felt?And why?"
Stat Counter
Friday, May 26, 2006
Thursday, May 25, 2006
The Dixie Chicks vs President Bush
I find it,perhaps,predictable that The Dixie Chicks were so heavily condemned by both the right wing conservatives and the so called liberal media for saying in London[on foreign soil],"Just so you know,we're ashamed the President of the United States is from Texas."What I find ironic is that the same two groups said virtually nothing about President Bush making an even more outlandish quote to a foreign newspaper.When asked in May by the German weekly Bid am Sonntag what his best moment in his over five years of office was,the President replied,"I would have to say the best moment of all was when I caught a 7.5 pound perch in my lake,"!Not that he was bringing freedom to Iraq.Not that he was proud to be the leader our brave troops.Not that he was bringing democracy to the world...but that he caught a 7.5 pound fish!!! Where is the right wing and liberal media outrage over this?Why wasn't this reported?Why,with our brave soldiers putting their lives on the line for him and our country,this is not being heavily and universally comdemned?In my opinion,this is an outrage.
Monday, May 22, 2006
Still Not Working
Don't tell that their ain't no Limbo.Don't try and convince me that their isn't any purgatory.I'm in it.There is no tomorrow.I have no past.All there is is today after fuckin' today.
I know I should have another job by now.But I just can't see me working another back breaking,mind numbing dead end job for dollars less then what I was making before.
Maybe I don't give a shit.Maybe I am patiently waiting for the right job to be coming along.Maybe I am dreading willingly giving up the last vestiges of my dream.Maybe,I am numb with it and I feel like the bow of a ship sticking up just before it sinks.
I can't tell if I am calm or just without hope.I always wanted to be a writer,and now,I thought this would be my last great chance at being one...and I just don't see it happening.
But,honestly,it doesn't feel quite like that.It feels like I should be waiting.Every ounce of my being seems to be whispering ..."Wait.Just wait."How do I explain to my ever increasing to panic wife-to wait-just wait.
I feel God's hand in this,more stronger then I have ever felt him before.It's like a calm before the storm.Like the energy levels are raising to usable levels.That the bathtub is filling up.
In the back of my mind,I see the tub over flowing,water splashing on the floor.And in there,I feel panic.
I get the nagging feeling this is going to go on until I can't take it anymore.Then I am going to explode-take a job I should have taken two months ago.
I had dreams for this time off.Finish my story.Clean the basement.Clean the garage.Paint the garage.Re-do the bathroom.None of this is happening.
I keep hearing this voice in my head singing them crazy Kiss lyrics,"I'm stupid and I'm lazy....if they only knew."
So what are my options?Take a low paying job,work my ass off and probably never see the family much,and never get the kids to college anyway?Or,wait[notice:I didn't put ACTION in there anywhere].
Lord.I have always followed you-so may your will be done-I am going to go with you.
I know I should have another job by now.But I just can't see me working another back breaking,mind numbing dead end job for dollars less then what I was making before.
Maybe I don't give a shit.Maybe I am patiently waiting for the right job to be coming along.Maybe I am dreading willingly giving up the last vestiges of my dream.Maybe,I am numb with it and I feel like the bow of a ship sticking up just before it sinks.
I can't tell if I am calm or just without hope.I always wanted to be a writer,and now,I thought this would be my last great chance at being one...and I just don't see it happening.
But,honestly,it doesn't feel quite like that.It feels like I should be waiting.Every ounce of my being seems to be whispering ..."Wait.Just wait."How do I explain to my ever increasing to panic wife-to wait-just wait.
I feel God's hand in this,more stronger then I have ever felt him before.It's like a calm before the storm.Like the energy levels are raising to usable levels.That the bathtub is filling up.
In the back of my mind,I see the tub over flowing,water splashing on the floor.And in there,I feel panic.
I get the nagging feeling this is going to go on until I can't take it anymore.Then I am going to explode-take a job I should have taken two months ago.
I had dreams for this time off.Finish my story.Clean the basement.Clean the garage.Paint the garage.Re-do the bathroom.None of this is happening.
I keep hearing this voice in my head singing them crazy Kiss lyrics,"I'm stupid and I'm lazy....if they only knew."
So what are my options?Take a low paying job,work my ass off and probably never see the family much,and never get the kids to college anyway?Or,wait[notice:I didn't put ACTION in there anywhere].
Lord.I have always followed you-so may your will be done-I am going to go with you.
Monday, May 08, 2006
Giving Praise
I wasted allot of free time on this,so ...can you be so kind just to listen-our better put-put up with my ravings.
Our minister assistant spoke yesterday,and what he said made allot of sense to me.He had an oxen yoke,and put it on himself and another man.He later talked about how God wants us to carry our yokes and follow him.God doesn't want us to wait until we are holy or cured of our flaws.He wants us with our flaws.God wants us to carry them with us and follow him.What Gene said next really hit me personally.He said that it may seem too steep of a price to love,until you think of the price of an empty loveless life.He asked if prayer was worth the effort,and then said that it was priceless compared to the life without hope.Gene spoke of the value of giving praise.He said it was worth the effort when you think how life must be for those who lead thankless lives.
I tell you,that really hit me.There was allot of truth in what he said..at least to me.
The second thing I want to blabber on to you about is something that has been troubling my mind,and the answer I got from puzzling it.When life is rough(when isn't it?),why give thanks and praise?I mean,why don't we?Why should we?
I think everyone wants to be happy.I think it is a major dream for most people.I know there is more to life then happiness,but don't we all want to feel satisfied and joyous at least once in a while?For instance,I see that I have soo many things to be happy for,yet,I sometimes fret the day away...(even though Robyn says I don't ever worry about anything).
What stops me from praising?Allot of times I just don't feel like it.The spirit is willing,but the body is weak.This is where I thought of the saying in the Bible that states we must die to our bodies,as Christ has died in his.This has always been a hard passage for me to understand,but the other day,I got the message.
My body screws with me.I sometimes suffer from depression,sometimes,I think, it is anxiety attacks.Hell,sometimes,it is just too much coffee.But my body screws with me.Some people have it worse then me,they are bi-polar,or sick in other ways.How can I give praise when my body chemistry is doing everything in it's power to stop me?Even if I have every reason to sing praises,if I am ravished by depression,how can I?
Worse yet,when I am unemployed,and feeling worthless..I just don't get it.
This is where I think,maybe,just maybe,there is a plan.Maybe this is all happening for a reason,and maybe,even if there isn't a reason for this happening,there is still a reason for giving praise and thanks.
Here is my long drawn out point:The spirit is willing,the body is weak.Carry your yoke and follow me.Am I just the sum of my body parts?Do I have no option other then to react to what my body tells me to do?Or,am I more then that?
I am more then that.I am!
The spirit is willing,the body is weak.I don't care.I will not let my body control all of my actions and thoughts.Though my depressed body screams to me,"No,no no,no no!"It is wrong(and some what ill/sick),if what I believe the answer to be is ,"Yes,yes,yes,yes!"
I (o-k,most of the time)no longer care.I will give praise for the beautiful sunrise.I will give thanks for those that I love,and for those that love me.Do I have to feel it 100%?No,I don't even have to believe it 100%.I will say it anyway...because the spirit is willing!
Please,forgive my nagging.This has really been way more for me,then about you.But I thank you for being my sounding board,and for letting me express my thoughts.You have helped 'ME'.You let me express myself,and dwell into my thoughts.You are very generous and kind.Thank you
Our minister assistant spoke yesterday,and what he said made allot of sense to me.He had an oxen yoke,and put it on himself and another man.He later talked about how God wants us to carry our yokes and follow him.God doesn't want us to wait until we are holy or cured of our flaws.He wants us with our flaws.God wants us to carry them with us and follow him.What Gene said next really hit me personally.He said that it may seem too steep of a price to love,until you think of the price of an empty loveless life.He asked if prayer was worth the effort,and then said that it was priceless compared to the life without hope.Gene spoke of the value of giving praise.He said it was worth the effort when you think how life must be for those who lead thankless lives.
I tell you,that really hit me.There was allot of truth in what he said..at least to me.
The second thing I want to blabber on to you about is something that has been troubling my mind,and the answer I got from puzzling it.When life is rough(when isn't it?),why give thanks and praise?I mean,why don't we?Why should we?
I think everyone wants to be happy.I think it is a major dream for most people.I know there is more to life then happiness,but don't we all want to feel satisfied and joyous at least once in a while?For instance,I see that I have soo many things to be happy for,yet,I sometimes fret the day away...(even though Robyn says I don't ever worry about anything).
What stops me from praising?Allot of times I just don't feel like it.The spirit is willing,but the body is weak.This is where I thought of the saying in the Bible that states we must die to our bodies,as Christ has died in his.This has always been a hard passage for me to understand,but the other day,I got the message.
My body screws with me.I sometimes suffer from depression,sometimes,I think, it is anxiety attacks.Hell,sometimes,it is just too much coffee.But my body screws with me.Some people have it worse then me,they are bi-polar,or sick in other ways.How can I give praise when my body chemistry is doing everything in it's power to stop me?Even if I have every reason to sing praises,if I am ravished by depression,how can I?
Worse yet,when I am unemployed,and feeling worthless..I just don't get it.
This is where I think,maybe,just maybe,there is a plan.Maybe this is all happening for a reason,and maybe,even if there isn't a reason for this happening,there is still a reason for giving praise and thanks.
Here is my long drawn out point:The spirit is willing,the body is weak.Carry your yoke and follow me.Am I just the sum of my body parts?Do I have no option other then to react to what my body tells me to do?Or,am I more then that?
I am more then that.I am!
The spirit is willing,the body is weak.I don't care.I will not let my body control all of my actions and thoughts.Though my depressed body screams to me,"No,no no,no no!"It is wrong(and some what ill/sick),if what I believe the answer to be is ,"Yes,yes,yes,yes!"
I (o-k,most of the time)no longer care.I will give praise for the beautiful sunrise.I will give thanks for those that I love,and for those that love me.Do I have to feel it 100%?No,I don't even have to believe it 100%.I will say it anyway...because the spirit is willing!
Please,forgive my nagging.This has really been way more for me,then about you.But I thank you for being my sounding board,and for letting me express my thoughts.You have helped 'ME'.You let me express myself,and dwell into my thoughts.You are very generous and kind.Thank you
Thursday, May 04, 2006
May 4th,1970
Tin soldiers and Nixon coming,We're finally on our own.This summer I hear the drumming,Four dead in ohio.Gotta get down to itSoldiers are gunning us downShould have been done long ago.What if you knew herAnd found her dead on the groundHow can you run when you know? Gotta get down to itSoldiers are gunning us downShould have been done long ago.What if you knew herAnd found her dead on the groundHow can you run when you know? Tin soldiers and nixon coming,We're finally on our own.This summer I hear the drumming,Four dead in ohio.
These are the words of Neil Young about the tragedy at Kent State university. Two days before the shooting I was in Kent,Ohio at my cousin's wedding.I was only in fifth grade,but I knew what was happening.The graffiti shouting 'Clapton Is God',was slowly being replaced by a newer variety.This time,people were painting,'U.S. out Laos' or U.S. out of Cambodia'.
Each week the newspapers were printing a two soldier graph:One big soldier-one small one.The big soldier represented the wounded.The smaller one,the dead.
It was a no win-no win police action.The South Vietnamese seemed to want us there even less then the North.There was no victory strategy.Rich kids got deferments or went to college.Poor kids got drafted.
The adults,raised in the mist of WWII,were pro military.Young kids-like me-raised in the days of the justified civil right marches,saw the power of protest against injustice.
It was a powder keg ready to go off.Both sides were American proud.They just didn't see eye to eye.
And so,Kent State happened.
It pains me to see that it is my generation,now,justifying the corruption of the Iraqi war.Our leaders,who must have been thinking they didn't want to die fighting for what they must have thought to be an unjust war(or police action),are now denouncing anyone whom protested against their actions.
They had to think the Vietnam war unjust,or they most certainly would have joined up to fight in it.Though later against the war,this is what Kerry did.
I never had to register for the draft.I never thought of joining the military.I was not a believer in the American military machine fighting for no reason.I did not want to die for no reason.The U.S.S.R. and China would never let us go further-and our leaders were not willing to risk WWIII trying to.You never heard a military ad on the radio or on Tv.Not joining was a form of civil protest...Something that doesn't seem to be tolerated today.
I love my country.I think it is the best country ever to be on the face of the Earth.I have always thought so.I still do.
But 'My country:right or wrong' is not the answer.Never has been.Never will be.If it was,then we would still be in Vietnam,only the rich white landowners would have the right to vote,and we would still have slaves.
The strength of America has always been it's ability to change.To force itself to go in the correct direction.Stand strong America...and God bless.
These are the words of Neil Young about the tragedy at Kent State university. Two days before the shooting I was in Kent,Ohio at my cousin's wedding.I was only in fifth grade,but I knew what was happening.The graffiti shouting 'Clapton Is God',was slowly being replaced by a newer variety.This time,people were painting,'U.S. out Laos' or U.S. out of Cambodia'.
Each week the newspapers were printing a two soldier graph:One big soldier-one small one.The big soldier represented the wounded.The smaller one,the dead.
It was a no win-no win police action.The South Vietnamese seemed to want us there even less then the North.There was no victory strategy.Rich kids got deferments or went to college.Poor kids got drafted.
The adults,raised in the mist of WWII,were pro military.Young kids-like me-raised in the days of the justified civil right marches,saw the power of protest against injustice.
It was a powder keg ready to go off.Both sides were American proud.They just didn't see eye to eye.
And so,Kent State happened.
It pains me to see that it is my generation,now,justifying the corruption of the Iraqi war.Our leaders,who must have been thinking they didn't want to die fighting for what they must have thought to be an unjust war(or police action),are now denouncing anyone whom protested against their actions.
They had to think the Vietnam war unjust,or they most certainly would have joined up to fight in it.Though later against the war,this is what Kerry did.
I never had to register for the draft.I never thought of joining the military.I was not a believer in the American military machine fighting for no reason.I did not want to die for no reason.The U.S.S.R. and China would never let us go further-and our leaders were not willing to risk WWIII trying to.You never heard a military ad on the radio or on Tv.Not joining was a form of civil protest...Something that doesn't seem to be tolerated today.
I love my country.I think it is the best country ever to be on the face of the Earth.I have always thought so.I still do.
But 'My country:right or wrong' is not the answer.Never has been.Never will be.If it was,then we would still be in Vietnam,only the rich white landowners would have the right to vote,and we would still have slaves.
The strength of America has always been it's ability to change.To force itself to go in the correct direction.Stand strong America...and God bless.
Monday, May 01, 2006
If All Our Wishes Came True
Sally wished for a pony
Mr.Wison wished it away.
Mary wished Ken would move to Alaska
Ken wished himself back to stay.
Vicky,to tan,wished for the sunshine
farmer Brown,for his crops,wished it would rain.
Eddie wished Veronica would love him,
Veronica wished to continue to be with Nate.
Nate wished for peace around the world
Kato wished we wouldn't over populate
Marie wished for a Christian world
Kareem for an Arab State
Benny wished to save the rain forrest
Angie wished for a big fat steak.
I have no idea what to wish for,
So I'll just wish you to have a nice day.
Mr.Wison wished it away.
Mary wished Ken would move to Alaska
Ken wished himself back to stay.
Vicky,to tan,wished for the sunshine
farmer Brown,for his crops,wished it would rain.
Eddie wished Veronica would love him,
Veronica wished to continue to be with Nate.
Nate wished for peace around the world
Kato wished we wouldn't over populate
Marie wished for a Christian world
Kareem for an Arab State
Benny wished to save the rain forrest
Angie wished for a big fat steak.
I have no idea what to wish for,
So I'll just wish you to have a nice day.
Umpteeth Day Of Unemployment + 1
O-K,I am on my umpteeth day of unemployment plus one.I have been doing all of the required stuff-reapplying each week,looking for work,sending in resumes,working somewhat around the house.
Still,there doesn't seem to be enough time during the day.Computering it,Bible,journal,laundry,dishes,Regis and Kelly,hike with the dog,read,sometimes write,go to the store,sometimes fix supper,or mow the lawn,or fix something-like the plumbing for the kitchen sink,watch some tube,waste some time,go to the boy's baseball game...At the end of the day I am wore out and I haven't even accomplished anything.
The saddest part about the whole damn thing is that I really am enjoying it.I am a waste on the family;I can see how the boys are losing respect for me[ I've known for a long time my wife already has],but I just don't care.
I just can't see me working another physical mindless job only to be laid off again in a couple of years.My body can't take it any more-my brain is yelling,"Stop it,you fool!"
I am a very slow learner-a very slow learner.It takes me forever to catch on to new things.It sucks.I mean,once I figure things out I am adequate..I can get the job done.But until then,I suck at new work.
Maybe I am scared I just don't want to see the last bit of my dreams dissolve away.Maybe I just don't see that better job out there and I am just satisfied to collect unemployment until I can find a job that pays better then it does.
I have always been stupid and lazy.A day late and a nickel short.
I have been haunted by my past,where I have never been good enough.I have always failed.
Only God has made it possible for me to have gotten this far.Only his miracles have pulled my ass out of the wringer,and has giving me all the good stuff that I do have:my wife and kids,our meager possession's.None of these I have ever really worked for-they have just seemed to fall in my lap.Yes,I have been wise enough to accept these blessing.And I do-believe me I do-thank God for them.It's just everything I have tried to save,tried to fix,tried to make better,have ultimately failed.I feel guilty always leaving everything to God.
Don't get me wrong,I love what God has done for me.I am thankful for Robyn.I couldn't ask for a better,more loving wife.I love my boys.They are great kids.God,I honestly thank you.
I just want to give back.But,I don't know how.I am not good at anything.I want to use the talents you have given me instead of my backbone.I want to shine in your glory.I don't want to live in your shadow.I want to be your shining light.
Forgive me Lord for my vanity.Because,I see now,that is what this is.Instead of accepting being one of your vessels,I want more.I want to be a pagan rich man adored by my constant flock.Forgive me.Give me the strength to accept your grace and mercy.To accept the gift I know in my heart is coming-in fact,has probably already come.Don't let me turn it down because it may not be exactly the way I want it.Please let me be more thankful then that.Amem
Still,there doesn't seem to be enough time during the day.Computering it,Bible,journal,laundry,dishes,Regis and Kelly,hike with the dog,read,sometimes write,go to the store,sometimes fix supper,or mow the lawn,or fix something-like the plumbing for the kitchen sink,watch some tube,waste some time,go to the boy's baseball game...At the end of the day I am wore out and I haven't even accomplished anything.
The saddest part about the whole damn thing is that I really am enjoying it.I am a waste on the family;I can see how the boys are losing respect for me[ I've known for a long time my wife already has],but I just don't care.
I just can't see me working another physical mindless job only to be laid off again in a couple of years.My body can't take it any more-my brain is yelling,"Stop it,you fool!"
I am a very slow learner-a very slow learner.It takes me forever to catch on to new things.It sucks.I mean,once I figure things out I am adequate..I can get the job done.But until then,I suck at new work.
Maybe I am scared I just don't want to see the last bit of my dreams dissolve away.Maybe I just don't see that better job out there and I am just satisfied to collect unemployment until I can find a job that pays better then it does.
I have always been stupid and lazy.A day late and a nickel short.
I have been haunted by my past,where I have never been good enough.I have always failed.
Only God has made it possible for me to have gotten this far.Only his miracles have pulled my ass out of the wringer,and has giving me all the good stuff that I do have:my wife and kids,our meager possession's.None of these I have ever really worked for-they have just seemed to fall in my lap.Yes,I have been wise enough to accept these blessing.And I do-believe me I do-thank God for them.It's just everything I have tried to save,tried to fix,tried to make better,have ultimately failed.I feel guilty always leaving everything to God.
Don't get me wrong,I love what God has done for me.I am thankful for Robyn.I couldn't ask for a better,more loving wife.I love my boys.They are great kids.God,I honestly thank you.
I just want to give back.But,I don't know how.I am not good at anything.I want to use the talents you have given me instead of my backbone.I want to shine in your glory.I don't want to live in your shadow.I want to be your shining light.
Forgive me Lord for my vanity.Because,I see now,that is what this is.Instead of accepting being one of your vessels,I want more.I want to be a pagan rich man adored by my constant flock.Forgive me.Give me the strength to accept your grace and mercy.To accept the gift I know in my heart is coming-in fact,has probably already come.Don't let me turn it down because it may not be exactly the way I want it.Please let me be more thankful then that.Amem
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