Hurrah For Dave Letterman!

Ya gotta love David Letterman.He is coming back Wednesday night with all new shows.His first guest is going to be Robin Williams,but the big news of the night is that he is coming back with his writers!

That's right,Dave's production company,'World Wide Pants' has signed an agreement with the writer's union to bring his writers back.Talk about going the extra mile...way to go,Dave!

Unlike the strike breaking Jay Leno.Not only is he crossing the picket line,but he is making his true feelings to the writers who work for him clearly known.Comrade Leno is having Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee on as his first night guest.Fuckin' scab union busting strike breakers.I will never willingly watch Jay or his sidekick Conan again.Pittooie!I spit on you bastards.

And that goes for you hypocrites over at Comedy Central,too.I expected strike breaking tactics from the NBC Republican boys...but not you.I can never watch 'The Daily Show' or 'The Corbert Report' without thinking:'The jokes on me'.Your wit and groundbreaking sarcasm are now as lame to me as George Bush.It is hard to believe how quickly your funny showings of hypocracy now ring like a dull thud...and you can't un-ring the bell,fellas...sorry .

I guess not all people have the class of a David Letterman.

The Top Albums Of 2007

Happy New Year everyone.I hope that you have a glorious 2008.I am known as a pop music junkie.Put together,I literally have thousands of 8-tracks,cassettes,lp's,cd's and computer downloads.But this year was very skim on new music all the way around.I did not download or buy enough new music to make a legitimate top five-let alone -top 10 music list.

Therefore,using other top ten lists,I have come up with my own top five list of best cd's of the year.

5.To be totally trueful,I never heard of the group until this morning.It made MSN's top choice,so it made number 5 on my list.



http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22421017/








4.Rolling Stone called this cd it's best of the year.Never heard of it.

http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/17601851/the_top_50_albums_of_2007




3.Daughtry...wasn't this guy on American Idol?



http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20166398,00.html



2.Now,I have hear of Radiohead.I even like their music.But I was too lazy to even download this absolutely free cd.Heard it was good,though.This made NPR's listener's top choice.


http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=17144780






1.This is the best selling cd of 2007.I have never seen the movie,or the movie that preceded it...never heard any of the songs.Can't be too bad if it outsold everything else...can it?

http://www.rollingstone.com/rockdaily/index.php/2007/11/30/high-school-musical-2-soundtrack-sets-record-for-worst-best-seller-ever/

Benazir Bhutto Said Osama Bin Laden Was Murdered

My friend,Mixter,over on her blog,'Mixter's Mix' found this amazing video interview of Benazir Bhutto by David Frost.The interview took place shortly after the first assassination attempt on her life.Sadly,the next attempt silenced this voice of reason forever.But not before she matter of factly states that Osama Bin Laden has been murdered.She also names the very person that killed him.

I am so thankful for Mixter exposing this.With a new alleged Bin Ladin video just surfacing,I find that the secret hush hush that our main stream media is giving this tidbit of news both mystifying and baffling!Was or is there another Osamba Bin Laden?Why the political and media blackout?

I am posting this interview...I strongly suggest going to 6:10 into it to hear her actually say it.....in hopes that other bloggers will post likewise.Let's get this out there,people.Why would a world political figure under fear of her life point blank make this statement?Let's find out!Watch than post!

The Final Word On Giftmas

Dec.17,2507:

Now that I have your full attention,I feel a last word about 'Giftmas' is in order.The Giftmas Season became the international name for the holiday that we now celebrate in December.Everyone loves the Giftmas season(I know that I do),the giving of gifts,Santa Claus,The Giftmas tree,etc.

Most people feel that Giftmas evolved from the old Christian holiday celebrated at this same time for many many years,called,'Christmas',but they would only be partially correct.

The early Christians started their 'Christmas'(a festival to honor their religious deity,Jesus),partially to keep their previously pagan members from worshipping and celbrating 'Sol Invictus'.'Sol Invictus' was the celebration of the birth of the sun.Many sun gods were celebrated during this winter holiday,with much drinking and merry making involved.The Christians simply put their 'spin' onto it to keep the faithful faithful.

But,that is just the beginning.The Roman's made Sol Invictus to get Roman control over the holiday 'Saturnia',the people's celebration of the planet Saturn's return to the winter sky.Saturnia was celebrated with much merry making and feasting.

Saturnia,in itself, was an elongated and somewhat evolved form of the celebration of the 'Winter Solstice',the traditional day of least sunlight in the northern hemisphere.It is believed that early man celebrated this day as the beginning of the sun returning longer and longer into the evening and morning skies.It was the hope of brighter and warmer days ahead.

Finally,as far back as the cavemen,the Winter Solstice was begun simply when a caveman hugged up to a cavewoman for warmth and together in the way that is most natural to humyn-kind celebrated this wonderful warmth.

That is why I am against turning our traditional Earth based 'Giftmas' into 'MarsDay'.Giftmas is a true Earth holiday.Sure,now that Mars has flowing streams and lakes and even the beginning of oceans,they should celebrate these wonderous events...but with our Giftmas?Sure on Marsday they plant the traditional Giftmas tree,but without Santa,they might as well be celelbrating 'Saturnia' or Winter Solstice or even Christmas for that matter.It is just not the same.

Please,I ask you,please,to keep the 'gift' in Giftmas.Thank you,and have a Mery Merry Giftmas,.This is your first gradr reporter,Drew Dharma Mixter III,and Merry Giftmas to you all.

The Comics

In a week of Christmas themed comics,this 'Get Fuzzy' from Christmas Eve broke the mold and went a different direction.So funny.

Though I am not a real big fan of 'Pearls Before Swine',I thought this Christmas day strip was the best of all the Christmas strips and it even started turning me into a fan of this somewhat quirky comic.The 'Peanuts' reference is quite special especially since the artist,Stephan Pastis,used to work for Charles Schulz.That is why this is the comic of the week.

Giftmas

There is a small but sturdy movement afoot trying to turn the holiday name of Christmas over to 'Giftmas'.I have always been one for keeping the'CHRIST'in Christmas.But,I think,by renaming the holiday,'Giftmas',us Christians can go about celebrating Christmas in a much more Christ like manner.This secular 'Giftmas' should be called what it has actually become... the celebration of giving gifts..or 'Giftgiving'.

'Giftgiving' would be a great new name for the holiday...if it were only being celebrated in the United States,but for the many many people whom are getting into the secular holiday of Christmas in places like China ,


and Japan,the term,
'Giftgiving'
may be confusing.'Giftmas'
,though,
is in the right area of appropriations.


That places like Japan and China joyfully celebrate Christmas without Chirst in itself does not bother me nearly as much as people in America that do.Oh,we put up our Christmas Trees,go to parties,watch cheesy Christmas specials on Tv,but the 'Christ' is not in the Christmas for a larger and larger portion of the American public.

An example of this is a few years ago at work they posted near the timeclock the time & date of the 'X- mas' party.I-being the wiseguy that I am-scribbled above the 'X',"Keep the 'Christ' in Christmas",and went about my way thinking nothing of it.A few days later,while clocking out,a friend behind me said,"What's christ?"He said it using the small 'i' sound,like Chris only with a hard 't' at the end.Using my Lord's name,I said,"That's Christ.Like Christ our Lord." 'OOoooH,"he went.

Now,this year,in many Christmas Me-Me's,many of you are saying that you don't go to church,don't even put religion into your celebrating at all.To me,Christmas without Christ is meaningless.The presents,the parties,the giftgiving...mean nothing.I just don't see the reason for it.

But...apparently,many of you do.So,perhaps I am wrong on this.Let's call a spade a spade,"Merry Giftmas to you".

From The :'It Finally Had To Happen' Dept

Yep,it finally happened.Now,this is offically the reason for the season...poor Santa.

Merry Christmas

Therefore, whether it be I or they, so we preach and so you believed.
12
But if Christ is preached as raised from the dead, how can some among you say there is no resurrection of the dead?
13
If there is no resurrection of the dead, then neither has Christ been raised.
14
And if Christ has not been raised, then empty (too) is our preaching; empty, too, your faith.
15
Then we are also false witnesses to God, because we testified against God that he raised Christ, whom he did not raise if in fact the dead are not raised.
16
For if the dead are not raised, neither has Christ been raised,
17
and if Christ has not been raised, your faith is vain; you are still in your sins.
18
Then those who have fallen asleep in Christ have perished.
19
If for this life only we have hoped in Christ, we are the most pitiable people of all.

McHappily Everafter

Sam sits back in his chair.Both of his elbows are still leaning on the table,both hands are still grabbing on to the once bitten out of 'Breakfast Mac' with the new 'tangy sauce'.A smile come to Sam's face,"WoW!"he says,"That is tangy!"



* FINI *



Hello,Ronald McDonald here,again.Yep,it was all a daydream.But,you have to admit that 'that' has to be a pretty tangy sauce.Why don't you try a new 'Breakfast Mac with Tangy Sauce Sandwich',or a 'Breakfast Mac with Tangy Sauce Value Meal' for yourself,and see what adventures 'you' can get into.While you'may' not get into such crazy and exciting adventures as Sam Everly,I'm betting the 'New Breakfast Mac with Tangy Sauce' sandwich will put a very McHappily Everafter smile on your face.Try one today at a McDonald's near you.

And while you are there,enter our initial 'McHappily Everafter Project' Sweepstakes.You may win one of 50 brand new Cadillac CTS's,or you may win one of 1,000 new I-Phone,I-C3Po's.There are tons of other great and exciting prizes as well.You could win a 'GE' clock radio;a 'Xero' watch;one of many great McDonald's food prizes,a chance to be in the next 'McHappily Everafter' movie.Even cash prizes up to $1,000,000.

Best of all,when you win one of these great prizes,you will be contributing to the best part of the 'McHappily Everafter Project'.When you win,we at McDonald's will match the cash value of each and every prize,and give these dollars-in your name-to 'The Bill And Melinda Gates Foundation'.

Why?Because we at McDonald's want to see more children smile.

The 'McHappily Everafter Project',in it's initial stages-is a ten year,half billion dollar project set up by The McDonald's Corporation world wide in conjunction with 'The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation'.It's soul function:Make More Children Smile.

There are many ways to make many more of our children smile.We can help feed and shelter them.Make sure they and their families get needed medical attention and the proper medicines.We can give them safe drinking water.

We can help educate them,teaching them not only 'reading,writing and arithmetic',but also the basic life skills.We can give the children more and better opportunities in things like the arts.The 'McHappily Everafter Project' is so involved in wanting to make more children smile that we are even into little things like more comic strips in today's newspapers ,and more child friendly Tv and radio programs.

All these projects cost money.That is why McDonald's is pledging one 'half billion dollars' to 'The McHappily Everafter Project' in the next ten years.

So,come to McDonald's.You will be be getting some great tasting things to eat and drink,and a chance to win some fantastic prizes.But,best of all,you will be putting another happy smile on another happy child.

That is a goal we should all hope to reach.

We hope that you have enjoyed our initial 'McHappily Everafter' presentation...Hey!If it was all a dream,how did the girl at the counter know Sam's last name was Everly?And will Sam ever be able to get Bridget the new furniture?Oh,well,we'll figure that stuff out by 'McHappily Everafter II'.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays;-)And...you...Japan...."Merii Kurisumasu."

* Ronald メリークリスマス *

Life In The McFast Lane

The escape proves easy enough.The acceleration and power of the CTS is such that Sam is long gone before the Keystone Paparazzi can pilfer there own vehicles.

Sam just wants to get home.A big map screen pops up and Kat is instructing him to turn right onto I-75.Soon,they are zooming along travelling north.Opening the extra large moon roof,smiling Sam says,"Kat,how about some rock jams?"

"Opening Pandora's Box to 'Rock Jams'."

'The Black Keys' ,'10 am Automatic'["What about the night makes you change/From sweet to deranged? ..."] starts blaring out the surround sound speakers at cracking volume.[What about my voice Tells you who Who's been wrong to you?]

As Sam weaves in and out of traffic,other terrific songs from,Wilco (Kidsmoke)and Neil Young('Ordinary People') rock out.Zooom!

"Exit right onto Rt.47,Sam,"suggests Kat as the map screen lites the way.Sam Pushes the speedy,vibrant Caddy up the exit ramp.When Sam gets to the stop light,he realizes something is wrong.

Coming off Rt.47,there are too many white Tv type trucks with large antennae and satellite dishes circling the traffic light.Through the open roof Sam can hear not one,but two helicopters.

Stating the obvious,Kat says,"They're on to us,Sam.Turn right and make a run for it,"Sam presses the pedal to the metal.Led Zeppelin's 'Rock and Roll' comes on the hi-fi.

Taking the CTS as fast as the law will safely allow,Sam rockets through the the streets.He safely passes through a stale yellow.A cop is at the intersection,so the paparazzi jerks have to stop.Sam is home free.

Suddenly,just as he is about to cross a bridge over the Yahoo River,a helicopter swoops low on the other side of the bridge.The light behind Sam has turned green.He is trapped.

Sam slams on the brakes and turns the CTS sideways on the middle of the bridge.He remembers the crush of people earlier in the morning,and a panic attack swells up inside of him.Without really thinking,he opens the door ajar,"If you are leaving,"states Kat,"You need to take me with you."

"How can I take the whole car?"Sam snaps back.

"The I-C3PO,silly."Sam grabs the unit,"Whoa,not so ruff,"and without a plan,exits the car.

The noise from the helicopter come in waves.News reporters are starting to push in on him.As they ask questions,"I'm Robyn Wu..[helicopter noise].N.D. news...Sam,what brings you[helicopter noise]

Sam is back against the railing of the bridge,now,being pressed on all sides.He looks down.Forty feet below is the very cold and deep looking Yahoo river.Just under the railing is an 'I' beam.Sam looks to the helicopter-it's blades stopping-to just beyond the crowd.If he can surprise them by going quickly over the rail.He can walk it;get past the whirlly bird,and then,hopefully be able to jump back into the classically lined Cadillac CTS.

Quickly,he places the I C3PO into his shirt pocket,and hikes himself over the rail.Crikey!Hanging from the rail with both hands he sees that the beam is virtually unwalkable,and farther away then it looks!Sam swings his body a couple of times trying beyond hope to get to it.

Suddenly,Sam feels his fingers staring to slip,bit by bit.

Poof!

Grabbing for the now,non existent railing,Sam yells,"But this isn't supposed to happen until 'McHappily Everafter III' !"

Stealthily Sam sneaks into the front door of the McDonald's that he has only entered one other time before.Seeing a newspaper in the 'free to read' rack,he grabs one and holds it up covering his face.

Sam notices the normal Micky D's activities:people in line waiting to order,families chowing down and drinking shakes,photographer's turning to look at him....photographers turning to look at him!

Crap!

He is next to a door to the outdoor playland that is held open only by the end of a 'Wet Floor-Do Not Enter' sign.Sam pushes through it.He hears the door lock shut behind him.He looks to see if he has been spotted.Amazingly,the photographer turns to order.He has been saved.

Sam walks over to the bench with the Ronald McDonald statue sitting on it.He will sit behind the statue,using it for cover.Sam opens up the paper,quickly turning to the funnies.Aaah!Eureka!Hey!There is 'Frog Applause'.A calm joy overcomes him.If 'Frog Applause' is in the paper,all is well...well,not well,but...

"I know what you mean,a good 'Frog Applause' can make even the quirkiest situation seem normal by comparison."

Sam starts shaking the paper.He knows...he doesn't even have to look,he knows that the Ronald McDonald statue sitting next to him has come to life.

"Hiya,Sam,"says Ronald,looking straight ahead,"They're looking for you,you know."

Sam turns to look.He can't help himself.This is RONALD McDONALD.Not just any Ronald McDonald,either,but the all time classic of classic Ronalds.This Ronald is Squire Fridell:the ultimate R.M.Squire Fridell!Also,known as the Toyota man!{Hiya Squire!}

" 'Frog Applause' is just a great strip,don't you think,Sam?It's like we have another 'Far Side' back in the paper.It's just a joy to read.It makes me smile."

Sam is very puzzled.Of course Sam likes 'Frog Applause'.He even gets it three quarters of the time,but is that why Ronald McDonald has come to life...to tell him he likes,'Frog Applause'?

Ronald continues,"Smiling children.We need more smiling children.Don't you think,Sam?Wouldn't more smiling children be nice?You can't have enough smiling children."

"Yes,yes,yes,Ronald,I agree..."says a very puzzled Sam,"The more smiling children,the better."

"Thank you,Sam,You've been a big help.A real big help.I think if you don't want to get caught,you better climb the fence and get going.They know you're here.I'll hold them off.Watch out for the spears on top.Don't try this at home."

Sam turns to the door.'CLICK',it opens with photographers snapping away.He starts climbing the fence,avoiding the spears the best he can.'RIP'.There goes his inseam.He doesn't care.He is escaping.He looks back.The Paparazzi are acting like the Keystone Kops tripping all over themselves....did one of them just trip over Ronald's foot?

Sam gets to the CTS.The door is locked,"Kat,open the door.Kat!Please."

"Well[click],since you did apologize earlier.

This 'Luann ',by Greg Evans,from Thursday,December 20th,2007 was the accumulation of many many strips before it.I don't know how long it has been since hotty-bo-tottie Toni Daytona and Luann's brother,Brad have been going around in clumsy circles trying to justify liking each other,but no matter what later in the week strips implied,this is the loooong awaited moment where Toni admits to herself that she loves the somewhat plain Brad.Greg Evans has made this relationship seem sooo real and believable,that it is an actual happy moment in 'my' life to see this love kiss from Toni to Brad.That Mr.Evans worked it so beautifully into a Chirstmas strip is just ...magic!That is why this is the comic of the week.

Rapping With Ronald

Sam plugs I-C3PO into the I-Pod jack and starts the most excellent CTS.Again,Sam backs out just a tad too quickly.It will take him a while to adjust to such power and might in an automobile.

Sam zooms out of the Effenpea parking lot,waving to the guard,Russia Albean,as he goes.As soon as Sam exits the lot,he decides to try the new technology,"Zooey,call 'Home'."

Nothing.

He tries again,"Zooey,call'Home'."

Nothing.What is wrong?

Deciding to give it one more shot,Sam orders,"Darn it,Zooey,call 'Home'!"

A middle screen pops up,brightly lit.An exasperated sigh escapes from the Bose sound system,"Hmpf!Sam,my name is Kat.If you would like me to read from the 'S.A.I.D.' manual,and I quote,"It is only mandatory for 'S.A.I.D.' unit to answer to 'S.A.I.D.' name.'S.A.I.D.' unit may,at it's option,answer to voice actor's name.Do you get that,Sam?"

"Huh?Is that you,Zooey?"

Exasperated voice,again,"'S.A.I.D.' unit..."

"O-K.O-K.O-K.Stop.Kat,that's what you want to be called,Kat,right?Are you...are you..real?"

"Sam,I am a 'Simulated Artificial Intelligence Device.I am not really A.I.,but I am programed to simulate artificial Intelligence.For instance,if you take the same,longer,way home more than three times,I am programed to stop asking you if you prefer a shorter route.I am not much more than a jazzed up video game[then mumbling] at least that's what the dumb dork designers want me to tell you".

"Thank you,Kat.That's more information than I wanted or needed.Kat,please,dial 'Home'."

Sam hears the phone ringing,"Hello?This is the Everly's residence."

"Bridget.It is sooo good to hear your voice.How are you feeling?"

"Fine,Hon.That Maxalt works wonders.You're still not at work?"

"Oh,you can not believe the day I have been having."Sam is so happy that Bridget is still Bridget.Oh,but why did she use Maxalt for her migraine instead of Imitrex?No,matter,calm was back into his life.Bridget was still Bridget.That was real enough to hold on to.

"Sam,"begins Bridget,"Your stunt at the McDonald's is already on 'You Tube'.It is absolutely hilarious.But,Sam,didn't you promise me no more Paparazzi?Don't you ever get tired of being stalked by those maniacs?It's only a matter of time before they know where you're at,now."

"Kat,Hang up."Before Bridget can get more than,'Whose Kat?' out of her lips,the phone is dead."That was rude,Sam."

"Shut up."

"Don't tell me to..."

"Shut UP!"Silence.Sam is back to shaking.They got to Bridget,too.He can see the Golden Arches.He knows the way these things work.Just walk back into McDonald's and 'Poof!' he'll be back to normal.

"I'm sorry,Kat,"he apologizes just as he is pulling into the Micky D's,"I didn't mean to be rude."

"It's all right.I'm just 'simulated intelligence',anyway."

Sam gets out of the CTS as the phone starts to ring.

The Annual Christmas Wingding

If there ever was a reason for the season it was 2007.2007 was one very hard year.It was filled with more personal disasters and sudden tragic deaths than I ever can remember.It had sickness and my own-I only wish I was over stating this-near death experience.Luckily,I didn't really know how close I was until I was being saved.I just thought I had a very sore back and was extremely tired from too much work to even suspect that I was dangerously anemic.

Through it all,though,God was with us.Life,and death,is what it is,these sorrows can not be changed.But neither can our joys.And this holiday season I am very joyous.My family is here.

And my family does not mean just Robyn and the boys.It does not mean just the in-laws and the out-laws.It also means my dear dear friends:in which I count many of you.I may never have seen many of you personally,never had a chance to kiss you in greeting.I may never have the chance,but you have been there for me daily.You have held me up when I was low and rejoiced with me in my success's.

I love you for it.

So....Dharma,I love you.If you don't know that,you should.Someday we should go Christmas shopping,and maybe enjoy a movie.It would be fun to get to know you.Mixter,the same.You have all my love and respect.If everyone in Wisconsin is as cool as you,then the Packers,the cows,and the snow are only the number two,three and four reasons to move up north to Mixter country.Yankee T,I am just getting to know you,but the love you show your family through it's many trials and tribulations has given me strength through my own family crisis's.I wish you well.

SBS and,Chickapea,eventhough you are not reading this,I know how much love it has to take to be a single mom,and teacher.I see you and believe in the power of love.Lawgirl,love will(and is)going to conquer all...even your overthought neurosis's.Osquer and Jay,I know 2008 is going to be better.You two love birds are going to get married.How awesome is that!?!

Ravyn and Raven...is it better to be naughty or nice?Hmmmmm,I'll have to think about that one.Ravyn I hope that you and Rachael have a fine holiday.Raven...is it true you put the rave in raven?

Kathy,Merry Christmas.George,Merry Christmas to you,too.Maybe there is a chance of snuggling by the fire.

Estaban and Sixer...where the hell are ya,men?

Old Fezzywig knew how to celebrate the season.I hope that all of you,my very good friends,will celebrate just as well.Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all,with love,TheDrew

After some mumbo jumbo,and a few more practices,the shot is ready.Moderately Confused yells action,and Sam and Zooey are spot welding for the cameras.Soon,Sam realizes that Zooey is racing him...and winning.Sam speeds it up.Still,Ms. Dechanel is winning.Sam notices that if he holds the piece closer,he gains speed.Closer and closer to the wrong end he keeps grabbing piece after piece.

He hears someone yelling,or is it cheering?

He is suddenly tied and close to....

... A gaggle of sparks explode off his machine.Some violently land on his glove and instantly burn through it.Sam feels the pain immediately against his right index finger,"Mother,father,son and daughter,"he screams,waving his hand like he has a booger on it that refuses come off,"God bless America,Russia,and China,"Sam yells,now going around in circles,high stepping it and still waving his hand in the air.

The place is a burst in laughter.Only Stella,who rushes to his aid,seems alarmed,"Let me see,"she says taking off his glove..."Hmmm,that is a nasty burn.I told you not to hold it so close.Didn't you hear me yelling at you?"

Looking sad,puppy dogged faced,Sam replies,"I thought you were cheering."

Before Stella can reply,the mod man comes over wiping a tear from his eye,still giggling,"Ha-ha,Sam,ha-ha,you are the master,my friend,"he takes his glasses off and rubs his palm against his eye,"I haven't laughed so hard in a looong time.Wait,you're really hurt?!?

"I'm still keeping it.In fact.That's all I need from you.We'll have your double rappel with Zooey and we'll mix it in later."He slaps Sam on the back,"That was masterful.Even in pain I get the most from you.That scene alone will bring in millions.You,my friend,are a freakin' genius."

Later,still smiling a very happy giggly grin,Zooey is talking to Sam as he is getting his finger bandaged,"You just did that to play with your new toy.And I won,you know.I always win.I am submit to no man."She is smiling,flexing her arm muscle,but Sam believes her.

Your I-C3PO is in Kat mode.That is the female version of the Kit mode.You know,the Knight Rider car.So,it answers to Kat...not Zooey.And you just plug it into where you'd plug in your I-Pod.It's already Incorporated into it's systems.You're already to go,"Zooey kisses him on the cheek,"Thanks for my Blue Chip CTS.They're delivering it tomorrow,you know.See ya later,lucky dog."

"Yeah,lucky dog,"Sam quips after he is alone walking to his CTS.He is so overwhelmed that when he holds out his fingers they are shaking."Maybe,if I go back to the McDonald's,it'll all go away...come back to the way it was."

Finding Your Hap Hap Happy Place

Sam is in need of finding what he calls his,'Hap hap happy place'.The world is spinning too fast,and he doesn't know how to stop it.


Normally,Sam thinks,he would have rejoiced in the ordinariness of seeing his two companions,but somehow in this toppsie turvie world of talking telephones,crazy cool CTS's and Zooey Dechanel,their appearance is more discomforting then reassuring.

Sam wants to think that he would have congratulated them,hugged their simple existence.Instead,he is annoyed by them merely interrupting him and Zooey.And worst yet,he is thrilled that they both feel they have to nervously greet him.

It makes him feel both giddy and guilty.

Effenpea is a big,clean friendly factory.They quickly arrive at what Tom calls,the 'spot welding' machines.The man with the 'Moderately Confused' baseball cap is there,hussing and fussing around lights,cameras,etc.

"Sam!Zooey!Good!Good!Good!Look,we're going to take a time lapse montage of you both spot welding thirty or forty pieces.It will all roll together.We might not even use it.But this is basically why we are here.

"This is Stella Freeman,"the man in the ballcap states,pointing to a lady with deep brown eyes and whom even under her bulky welder's uniform,portrays a husky,yet very feminine looking figure.

"Hi,"says Stella,shaking both Zooey and Sam's hands,"Zooey,"she says while others finish putting protective welding gear on both Zooey and Sam,"Zooey,you will be using this machine."

Stella grabs a long aluminum piece of something,"You grab a piece from this box.Now,holding it as far away as possible from the machine,you put the end you're going to weld here at this spot.Then,like so,you push the floor button down with your foot,and voila,the piece is welded.Here,you try."

Tentatively,Zooey goes to the machine.It looks eerily similar to a drill press.When Zooey presses the botton,the drill looking top comes down against the part she is holding,and sparks fly.

"Excellent,"giggles the 'Moderately Confused' man.But Zooey is startled and almost drops the piece.

"You will get that,"says Stella,"That is why you hold it so far away.

'Now,you,Sam,will grab your somewhat shorter piece from this box,then do the same basic steps on this machine."Stella holds the part at the far tip.As the spot weld goes down,mucho sparks go flying."Now,be careful to hold this as far away as possible.This mother can really spark."

Sam does it once for practice.No sparks fly.Easy enough.

"Now,here's another cool feature:'Bill,call,Sam Everly'."

"Can do,"says Zooey's phone,sounding exactly like Bill Clinton.Sam's phone comes to life,chirping like something out of Star Trek,"Hello,says Sam punching no buttons.

The phone's humongous screen flashes on,showing Zooey in real time streaming video.It's a picture phone.It like something out of Dick Tracy,"But 'thissss' is the amazing part."

Sam looks over at Zooey.She is holding her phone with both hands,swishing back and forth up and down all around her in the air.But the picture on Sam's screen remains clear and stationary as she does it,"It's called 'stationary 3-D imaging'. Isn't it great?"

Sam is somewhat overwhelmed by this phone,"Was that Bill Clinton's voice?"

"Yeah,"states Zooey as she shows him her screen,"There are all sort of different modes and voice choices."

He looks at the screen,he sees at least three different modes,'Kit/Kat'{'Kat' highlighted};'HAL' and 'Star Trek Computer'.She quickly turns to another screen.It lists voice choices.Her's is highlighted on ;'Bill Clinton',but Sam sees 'Woody Allen';'Lauren Bacall';Robin Meades','Pearl Baily'...

"Excuse me,but you are not allowed to have cell phones in this building,"Sam looks up.Why it's Jim Loinhart and Tom White,two of the guys he works with.

"Oh,"Zooey quickly spouts,"They're just props,"Zooey waves her phone.

"Well,ah,they asked us to come get you,"says Jim.

"And,and it's...it's an honor to meet you both,"Stammers out Tom offering his hand.

As they shake and start walking,Zooey whispers close into Sam's ear,"These phones are as tight as Scrooge McDuck.I'll have my CTS in Blue Chip,please"

Sam quickly goes to the farthest corner of the parking lot-to 'visitor's parking'-and quickly exits(what he now calls)the sharpest vehicle in the world.Of course,he wanders towards where the truck trailers and tents are set up.


There is a general hustle and bustle near this area.An outdoor breakfast buffet,crews assembling,etc.He steps behind a man carrying a clipboard,wearing a 'Moderately confused' ball cap."What's up?"The man turns,"Sam!Sam!it's about time you showed up."


"Wearing the pants already,I see,"the man says looking at Sam's stained drawers,"But really,"the man continues,taking off Sam's expensive watch,"If you'd let wardrobe do their job we wouldn't have a faux pas like this."The man has a microphone on his shoulder like policemen wear.He reaches up to it,"Gladys,he's here,bring the Timex Expedition,will ya?"


"Not again,"comes the reply.


"Look,Sam,I know you're on your way to Oprah.These are just 'dubbed'shots.No dialogue.We'll go inside with Zooey,get the spot welding shots,and then the repelling off the roof.No more then an hour.O-K,maybe two.Tops."


Sam is ushered into Effenpea.Once inside he meets with talented and beautiful Zooey Dechanel,"Hi Sam",she says.Zooey is wearing an Effenpea uniform,unlike Sam who is wearing a parts auditor shirt(the same one he had on this morning)and Levi 505 jeans."Here,"she says handing him a small object,"How do you like my new I-Phone III.Look,it gets Google Express.Wait-'Google me at Effenpea,please."



The phone comes to life,and on the screen projects...probably from a nearby security camera,a fuzzy black and white live picture of the two of them,"Wave,"Zooey says smiling and waving.

Zooey reaches in under her workshirt and pulls out a red model just like her silver one,"As promised,here's one for you.They're calling them-unofficially- the,'I-3CPO'.Aren't they cool?Voice command your car."

"It's not a car.It's a Cadillac CTS."

"Just voice command it."

"Umm,O-K.Google me my car,Please."the screen shows six different 'now' images of the CTS.All but one from surveillance cameras.One,possibly a satellite.

"No,silly,"Zooey says,pushing I-3CPO buttons,"COMMAND' your car!Don't Google it.'COMMAND' it."

"CTS,start your engine."Immediately,there comes a reply out of the phone,sounding just like Zooey(Sam glances and smiles at her),"Command code voice recognition accepted,"Sam hears the vehicle's varoom,"Engine started."

"You can not believe the amount of money I'm getting for letting my voice be used just as an option."

Zooey smiles broadly,"Cool,huh?"

Sam is smiling into his new I-Phone.He can hear the CTS's engine purring.Half the screen is giving the car's stats.The bottom is showing the car from a half dozen different angles.On a hunch,Sam goes,"CTS off,Please."


"Zooey's voice says,"CTS ignition off."

As Tight As Scrooge McDuck



Sam pulls the CTS onto Experiment Farm Road #3.Down the way he see Effenpea.

As if his life wasn't going downhill fast enough,stealing this car has made it all bad.McDonald's and the car.

The power and comfort of the Cadillac exuberates him.Sam feels like he is losing it.Sam feels like he has never been so in tune in all of his life.Sam feels both,and neither.He can't decide.

"They are my car keys!This is my car!"It is crazy,but he figures no other way around it."Well,someone could have put them into his pocket.Yeah,during the craziness at McDonald's.It is possible.

"Crap.

"Crap.Crap.Crap.Crap.Crap." Still,Sam drives forward.What else can he do?He starts thinking of jail.Sam starts thinking how he loves the cherry red Cadillac CTS.He zooms it towards the gate.Yes,he is crazy,but how he loves this CTS.

Sam hardly feels the push of the CTS' 304 horses as he races down to Effanpea.60mph!Geez!It feels like 30.He eases up just as he pulls up to the guard gate.

A elderly man with a full head of combed back silver hair greets him from the shack's window.He is holding a clipboard in his hand."Mornin',"the man says,"Wow,nice car.Hey!You're Sam Everly.I never laughed so hard as when you were hanging on from under the bridge in McEverafter III'.Can I have your autograph?"He hands Sam the clipboard,"Write,'To Russia,with Love."

This clinches it.Sam is certified insane,"I'm not James Bond,Sir."

"That's my name-Russia.Russia Albean.You know,I must have entered my name in the 'Be A Character' contest 'thousand times.I get a large coffee every mornin'.I knew I didn't have a chance.But it sure would have been fun being in one o' your 'Mc Happy' movies."

Sam signs the clipboard and smiles a legitimate happy grin,"You know,Russia,You have made my day.Thank you."

'No problem,Mr.Everly.Thanks,"Russia states shaking the clipboard in recognition,"My wife told me you'd be cool.You turn right right here and just follow the arrows.You'll see them at the end.Have a very nice day."

"Thanks,"Sam smiles as he accelerates the CTS away.How easily he feels normal again.How easily he decides to just accept and go with it.

Sam follows the arrows.Far on the otherside,close to the warehouse building he sees trucks and vans and tents set up.Must be the place.

Happy 18th,Guys

Yesterday,Monday,December 17th,2007,our guys,Tyler,Adam and Nikolas turned 18 years old.Congratulations,men.You are now old enough to vote(do),register for the draft(if you have to you have to),smoke(don't),get your own bank accounts(please do),and to be tried as an adult in a court of law(stay away from that).

You three have been the biggest blessings of your mother and my lives.We love you.Keep up the good work & God be with you,love,Dad.

Normally Sam would not think about getting into someone else's vehicle.Heck,he wouldn't even think about touching a car as nice as this CTS.But normally had disappeared with the watch.

Somehow,his brain could construe that it was possible for him be mistaken for some Tv or movie star.Even one from a Tv show or movie that he has never even heard of[Yet,when he later comes thinks of it...how strange..."I get 'Entertainment Weekly'!How could I NOT have heard of 'McHappily Everafter III'?"].But it is this Xero wristwatch that has snapped his brain into panic.A Timex Expedition with Indiglo does not just magically happen to be replaced by another more expensive timepiece.Let alone a very nice one by a brandname he has never heard of before.

The CTS is opulent.If it wasn't for the key Sam wouldn't even know where to start.Buttons and whistles,a giant moon roof.The interior is completely clean except for a I-Pod setting in the middle and a manila folder with a post tab stuck on front lying on the front passenger seat.The tab has Effenpea's address and vague directions scribbled on it."Well,I already know the way,"Sam presumes.

Sam finds reverse and backs the elegant sexy red Cadillac CTS out of the parking space.He finds that he has given the car slightly too much gas.It scoots backwards quicker and with more control then he anticipates.This only adds to Sam's sense of panic.He shoves the CTS into drive-again giving it too much gas,and whips through the parking lot.

Finally,he squeals left out of the McDonald's parking lot and starts up on Rt.41 over I-75 towards what he hopes is Effenpea.

The Comics

This 'Tank McNamara' from Thursday,Dec,13th ran a very close second.I laughed out loud at this.





This '9 To 5',by Harley Schwadron,from yesterday,Saturday,the 15th,made me laugh so hard that I had to make it the comic of the week.

Ponderings Of a Unbalanced Mind

The big blow is coming.Right now,outside,is very nice and calm.No wind.No precipation.Nadda.We are supposed to get freezing rain,sleet,snow,snow and more snow.Maybe some more rain freezing rain,back to snow then finally very cold high winds.It is humbling to watch this on 'Weather Bug's radar.I see this monster inching closer and closer and there is nothing I can do to stop it from approaching.Nothing.

We may lose power.Places could close.And there is nothing I can do about it.Nothing.

Of course,there is nothing I can do about a sunny summer day,either.

But,when you see a storm coming,even if you can't stop it,you can prepare for it to lessen it's effects.Batter the hatches,shimmer me timbers,the Father,the Son and The Holy Ghost.

And that my beloved reader,has got me thinking about the political storm that is already brewing and kicking our collective asses.

How is it that so many politicians are running on The Lord{We must have God/religious faith in our politics,etc},but are unwilling to answer a single simple religious question{I am running as a politician,how dare you ask me a question pertaining to my faith?}?

How is it now that my beloved American flag now stands for red neck ignorant my country right or wrong,screw them foreigners,Saddam Hussein blew up the Twin Towers,no gay,no abortions,no birth control,no latte drinking anti-Christian,bleeding heart liberals,if you aren't like me you can go to hell-ism?


How is it that this spewing of blind bigotry is spilling out into the streets while blatant unchecked capitalism runs a muck?No bid contracts;unscrupulous mortgage lenders{playing on lenders faith in a just fair system where lenders are supposed to be looking out for their best interests}whom are tricking desperate people into signing loans with sky rocketing high adjustable rates?How is,then,that this administration,announces legislation that helps these mortgage companies because they claim the borrowers were foolish for signing stuff without reading it first?

Why does bush hate the middle and lower classes?Clearly they are a vast majority of Americans.Why does Bush always vote in favor of the super rich?Vetoing health care because it might help all that are in need.He says it is because it might help adults who could get it from other places-of course,implying people will rip off the system.

This quick bate and switch is nothing more then a shell game.Pretend that you are against stealing,but really meaning,'Hey only big rich internationally based(ie like Hallaburton based outside the U.S.A.) corporations can blindly-unchecked-steal American tax payers monies'.

In my opinion,with just a fraction of what we are paying these overcharging buffoons,we could wipe out hunger,unemployment,and give everyone good health care in America.

Why are these buffoons against universal health care anyway?Ever hear of Medicare?Don't companies make a killing charging Medicare.Imagine the $$$ that could be skimmed off the top!

Why?I'll tell you why.Because the rich are out to stamp out the middle class.It is absolute power at it's very worse.This is what we get from Reagan's fox in charge of the hen house anti-big government rhetoric.

Do away with government laws protecting the American people and then through this same,nay,even bigger,more corupt big government,give all the $$$ to unneedy big businesses.CORPERATE WELFARE.

And these big businesses don't even care about America.Outsourcing to anywhere else-even-especially-communist counties.Countries with little or no civil rights.Hell,these companies couldn't care less about America or Americans.

Yet,the dopey conservatives will vote for these idiots because they claim to have Christian values.Values they are unwilling to defend or explain.

Yep,I see the big blow coming.And a hard rain is gonna fall.

"Oh,we loved you in 'McEverafter III' when you were hanging from the bridge."

"When you gave the thumbs up in 'One'- that is still funny."

"Can you sign that,'To Mary'?"

Sam is having a fun,but busy time.He doesn't understand any of it,but he is playing along.He looks at his watch....

.....

.....it is not his Timex Indigo.It is a somewhat fancier watch.SOMEWHAT!?!It has jewels,it says 'Xero'on it.It looks like it costs a million bucks.WHAT IS HAPPENING!?!

And worst,it says,7:25.Sam is going to be late for work.

Sam is visibly shaken,if only for a second.He signs a last little girl's 'Princess Barbie' school notebook,then stands up and starts to leave.

Pushing his way through the thinning crowd,Sam hurries out the door.He can't see his Focus.In a ever increasing panic,Sam turns back to see if he has somehow come out the wrong door.No.Sam is sure he parked on this side.

Sam feels for his keys.Aah,just press the horn button.Whoop.Whoop.Whoop.The lights to a red,shiny new Cadillac CTS flash on and off.Sam looks left.Sam looks right.In a full fledged panic,Sam gets to the CTS-stops to admire it-then pulls the door to get in.

My Cleveland Browns Prediction

The thing that you have to keep in mind is this Biblical story.Just stay with me,O-K?

Amaziah slew ten thousand Edomites in the Salt Valley, and took Sela in battle. He renamed it Joktheel, the name it has to this day.
8
Then Amaziah sent messengers to Jehoash, son of Jehoahaz, son of Jehu, king of Israel, with this challenge, "Come, let us meet face to face."
9
King Jehoash of Israel sent this reply to the king of Judah: "The thistle of Lebanon sent word to the cedar of Lebanon, 'Give your daughter to my son in marriage,' but an animal of Lebanon passed by and trampled the thistle underfoot.
10
You have indeed conquered Edom, and you have become ambitious. Enjoy your glory, but stay at home! Why involve yourself and Judah with you in misfortune and failure?"
11
But Amaziah would not listen. King Jehoash of Israel then advanced, and he and King Amaziah of Judah met in battle at Beth-shemesh of Judah.
12
Judah was defeated by Israel, and all the Judean soldiery fled homeward.
13
King Jehoash of Israel captured Amaziah, son of Jehoash, son of Ahaziah, king of Judah, at Beth-shemesh. He went on to Jerusalem where he tore down four hundred cubits of the city wall, from the Gate of Ephraim to the Corner Gate.
14
He took all the gold and silver and all the utensils there were in the temple of the LORD and the treasuries of the palace, and hostages as well. Then he returned to Samaria.

O-K,even with this story firmly in hand,I,The 'Great Andrew' predict that the Patriots undefeated season will come to a quick end when The Browns beat them in the playoffs!

Remember,you heard it here first!

What A Marvelous Night For A Moon Dance

You have to read this marvelous story about a couple that have captured and focused the Moon's rays.Absolutely cool.

Try listening to Michael Buble's version of 'Moon Dance' while you look at the photo.I find it very relaxing. Or better yet,jam to some 'Maggot Brain'

Can I Have That Supersized?

"Can you 'put' in three creams,please."

There is a bright flickering of light.

The girl says,"We've been having problems with that bulb all morning,"she gives Sam the biggest,brightest smile that he has seen in quite some time."

No wonder,"Sam thinks,"People love McDonald's.Their employees smile so much."

With the same grin,if not even wider and giddier,the girl says,"That will be $3.69 Mr.Everly."Sam pays her with a five,and she gives him back his change.Quickly,almost too quickly(before he can even finish putting the dollar bill back into his wallet),she is happily holding up the tray with his Breakfast Mac meal.Raising to her tippy toes,smiling ear to ear,she bursts out ,"Have a great day."

"Thank you,"Sam replies with his own generous smile,"You too."Sam turns away,then stops.He thinks to himself,"How did she know I was Mr.Everly?".He turns to look at her.Startled,as if she is surprised to find that he has turned back to look at her,she freezes.She smiles,rolls her fingers in an embarrassed wave,then shrieks her shoulders,and grasps her hands together.All while still smiling.

Sam's eyes flick left,his eyebrow arches right.He hunches his own shoulders,as if dismissing the whole idea;then finds a place to sit down.He pops the lid off of his coffee,unboxes his sandwich,and with his elbows firmly set on the table,Sam takes a manly size bite.Hmmmmm...heaven.

Chopping away mindlessly,still holding his sandwich up with his resting elbows,Sam suddenly feels as if someone is watching him.

And everyone is.Quite contently.Leaning forward off their seats contently.Sam takes a chew.Stops.Looks around at everyone looking around 'at' him.Takes a couple more chews.Watches.Swallows.

The pressure of their combined stares is unnerving.Still chewing,Sam gives a nervous grin and a thumbs up.

Thunderous applause.People start walking towards him.A little girl says to her someone,"I knew he'd do it."

"Hello,Mr Everly.My name is George Campbell,"says an elderly gentleman wearing a new John Deere Hat,and offering Sam his weathered old hand,"This is my wife,Tillie.We think you are so funny."

"I'm Hillary,this is my daughter,Amy."

"Hey,what's up dog?No,don't get up."

"Blah,Ba baa Blah Blah blah,"The rush is frightening to Sam.Even the girl behind the counter is coming over:complete with paper and pen in hand.This is too much.He goes to stand and bumps the table.His coffee goes over and the hot fluid rushes over the table top and on to Sam's lap/crotch.

It burns.But he is crowded in.He can't move.He doesn't want to scream.So,Sam rolls his fingers on the table,grimaces,crosses his legs and fidgets in his seat as the people-jaws dropped-silently watch as the to the last drop spills into his lap.

Sam gulps.

A pretty,thirty something profession woman holds out a single solitary McDonald's napkin.

"Thanks,"says Sam.

Silence.

A single voice from the back of the crowd-perhaps a fourteen year old boy-breaks the hold on the crowd,"This is soo awesome,"Sam hears some electronic beeping,"I can't wait to put this on 'You Tube'."

Suddenly,like a flock of birds startled,the crowd starts yammering back to life.There is laughing;concern for his wetness.Someone hands him a towel.To Sam,this is all confusing.

"Please,people,"says someone whom Sam can only assume be the manager,"Mr.Every is a paying customer.Please let him eat in peace,"he lifts up Sam's coffee cup and pours Sam another cup of coffee.He whispers in Sam's ear,"Sir,do you want me to get rid of this crowd,or do you want to sign autographs...or something else of your choosing?"

Sam looks at the manager's Badge.It says,'Manager:Paul Whelby'.He looks in Paul's eyes.There is an honest conviction to do the right thing in them.The right thing.Hell.What would be the right thing here?

"Paul,"Sam says loudly,"Since I'm already on my second cup of your excellent McDonald's coffee,would you mind if I signed some autographs?Here,whose got a pen?"