The Monday Movie:"It's A 'W' Life"

Chapter ONE:
"We
begin," starts lieutenant Don Knotts, "With George W. Bush still sucking at the teat."

"My God!He's seventeen years old!"exclaims a startled president Nixon.

"And why is he sucking on George Washington?"questions JFK.

"Sssh,"says Ronald Reagan chopping on popcorn,"I can't hear."

"Mom,I...I don't want ta go ta Yale.I'm..I'm scared."

"Ooh,George,they are all our people-good folk,"She stops stroking his hair and reaches into her apron.She pulls out a silver spoon,"..And you can always have your lucky spoon..."

"Aaww,Ma,"says George,hugging his Mother.

Don pushes the remote,"Let's MOve forward a little bit,HERE.Now,George is joining a SEcret club at Yale called,'Skull and BONES'.They are at a place called,DEER Island...LET'S listen in...

...there is a group of hooded figures sitting around a large wooden dining table inside of an old cabin.Surrounded by these figures are three figures with their hoods down.George is one of them.He is bending and twisting a silver fork in his hands.One of the hooded figures is whispering to another hooded figure,"I'm telling you,he is a complete moron.I had it all fixed up for him to sleep with Annette Funichello and he said he had cheerleader try outs...and look look what he's doing to Hitler's fork"

"I know what you mean...he keeps repeating,'Stay the course,'.What a goof."
"Let's just give him one last chance.Hey!I know,We'll give him that 'Task Of The Three.""Ha!Great one[chuckling].If he completes that one...well,we'll have to let him in..but...if he doesn't..our bylaws say he has to go...agreed?" "Agreed-great work John.'"Well us Kerry's are quite quick on our feet."

John stands up and taps his wine glass,"Hee Haw-Uhm,attention.George,pick choice One,Two or Three."

"Uh,yah,um.Three."

"George,you chose wisely.You have picked,'The Task Of The Three'.Stand up George.With nothing but the sweater,pants,socks and shoes that you are wearing,you must complete these three tasks by sunrise.First,you must down this fifth of Jack Daniels without stopping.Second,you must find a local Indian woman and make love to her.Third,you must kill a grizzly bear."

As the screen shows George downing the liquor,JFK says,"Theeey must have really hated him.That is the same trick we pulled on Teddy.Except for the grizzly bear part.We told him he had to drive his car off a bridge,instead.He wouldn't do it.We kicked him out.We had a good laugh on that one."

"It's an impossible mission.Come on,what happened.?"

"Ssh,quite.I can't hear."

"Let me just forward this thing a bit,"states Donald,"Aah,here we are."
It is later in the evening.Most of the 'kights' are asleep as morning light is beginning in the bible black pre-dawn sky,"I am really worried,"states John to his friend,"The other two were back ages ago.""I know,"says his comrade,"If it was anyone else but us,we could get in allot of trouble."

Suddenly,the door bursts open.It is George.He is bloody,scrapped to hell and his clothes are ripped to shreds.He is still staggering drunk,"George,George,what has happened to you?"asks John as his fellow 'Skull and boners' wake up.George staggers over to an open bottle of whiskey and downs a couple of slugs...."Now,"he somewhat slurs..."Where ish this Indian woman you wanted me to kill?"