The Tuesday Theater:"It's A 'W' Life"

Chapter Eleven:

"George,wake up.George,"Our president feels someone nudging his shoulder,"Come on,now,George.I don't have all night."

George opens his eye,"Aaah!!!"He curls up in a ball,"it's,it's true...this place is haunted...I thought I saw your portrait's eyes looking at me once!"

"That wasn't me.Now,get up,George,we have allot to talk about."

George braces himself,and comes to his feet.He re-arranges his clothing by tugging at his shirt.In bravery,he stiffens his lower lip,and puts out his hand,"Mr...Mr.President..Mr.Kennedy,I'm,I'm please to meet you."

JFK,with his usual charm,smiles back and shakes George's hand,"George,I'm from Heaven.I am here to help you out."

"Look,Condi,is just a fantasy."

"No,you moron.Not with the chicks."

"Then..then how?"

"George,you have lost your way.I am here to help put you back on the correct path."

"He-he.I like the way you said 'correct',instead of 'right',cuz,there could of been some confusion.Republicans are 'right'.Democrats are 'left'.Maybe you could have meant the right sided path-not to pick the one on the left...he-he.I'm nervous,meeting a ghost and all."

"Hmmm,right path...that gives me an idea...what do you think,Donald?It just may work."

"Who..who ya talking to?Donald,Donald Trump?"

"He's not dead,yet."

"But he is well connected."

"George,"says John F.Kennedy,putting his arm around George W.Bush,"I'm gonna show you what could have been...."

....They are somewhere in North Vietnam.Jane Fonda is sitting behind a Soviet made anti-aircraft gun.People are taking her photo,and she is looking happy,sexy and smiling.Suddenly,she accidental pushes the trigger and the giant gun goes off,"Oh,Pooh,"she says.

George and JFK follow the projectile as it shoots up and up and up.They continue to follow it as it aims right for an American F-4 Phantom.As it hits the left wing,the picture we see is of the pilot inside,a young George W.Bush,"Aah,crap"states the young George Bush,"And I was short,too."

"Hey,that's me...see,that's why I didn't want to go over there.I KNEW that would happen."

"Just watch,"states Kennedy.The young George is fighting with the controls of the jet.It is shaking him something awful,and he is losing control.He looks for a place to land,and sees the anti-aircraft gun that Jane Fonda shot him down with.Still fighting the controls,he aims his craft towards it and says,"Pay back's a bitch."

JFK and George are back on the ground next to Jane and company.They all look on as the disabled and smoking jet heads straight towards them,"Ooopsie,"claims Jane just before the massive fire ball explosion!

George pokes John in the ribs,"Hell,looks like I made the right choice,there.Now,that's funny,except me dying.See,see,that's why I didn't go there.I KNEW something like that would happen."

"George,"states Kennedy,"That crash changed the war.Your Father saw how senseless the war was and did everything in his power to end it.The North sued for terms of peace...they really liked Jane Fonda.The united Vietnam started making Nike tennis shoes allot sooner because of you."

"This is all well and good.But do you have anything that doesn't involve me dying.I didn't like that part.Didn't like it at all."

"But you saved thousands of lives,and knocked off Jane Fonda,to boot."

"Knocking 'up' Jane Fonda,I could've lived with,he-he.But this just ain't me.What else you got in that bag of tricks of yours."

"Well,alright,but you're not gonna like it."

The scene changes.It is an outdoor event in Florida.George and his brother,Jeb,are walking up some steps to a podium in front of a giant crowd,"I'm sorry,George.I wish I could have helped you,but the rights of the people of my state must come first.How could I have ever looked anyone in my state in the eye.They elected me."

"You're a piss poor excuse for a brother,"whispers George as he reaches the podium,"People of the great state of Florida,and of the whole United States of America as well.I concede the presidential race to Al Gore."

"Whoa,there,fella.No,no,no,no,no,no.NO.I didn't do anything you didn't do.Don't throw this at me."

"I didn't do anything like that...Bobby did."


With a start,George W.Bush wakes up,"Huh...what?I'm tellin'ya,"he says speaking to no one but himself,"No more Cajun chicken pizzas for me before bedtime,"he sets the Bible in his hands down on the table next to him,"Time for a warm glass of milk then I'm off to bed."